Don't come back for me
by Beaut
Summary: She was sick of it, sick of everything, the name calling and the laughs, the slushie facials and constant fear when she walked the corridors of William McKinley High School.
1. Chapter 1

Summary: She was sick of it, sick of everything, the name calling and the laughs, the slushie facials and constant fear when she walked the corridors of William McKinley High School.

WARNING: This story deals with attempted suicide along with other dark and adult themes throughout. Do not read if you are not comfortable with that.

. / . / . / . / .

Rachel Berry walked through the doors of her beautifully decorated, but modest, home in a suburb of Lima, Ohio. She lived with her dads, Hiram and Leroy, but they were never home. Always on business trips or busy working late, today was no exception.

They'd be gone for the next few days, and Rachel sighed heavily as the thick front door slammed shut and left her alone in her house, shut away from the world.

Rachel, ever the epitome of brave, confident and collected, marched to her room in silence.

With the reassurance of two doors behind her, she fell on the soft carpet of her room and began to shake with sobs. Her whole body convulsed as she knelt there, crying and screaming, unable to hold it in any longer. She was sick of it, sick of everything, the name calling and the laughs, the slushie facials and constant fear when she walked the corridors of William McKinley High School. But most of all, she hated the loneliness. She was sick of having no one to turn to, no one to defend her when she really needed it and no one to ask her if she was ok, on the rare occasion that she broke her facade and ran to the bathrooms in tears.

Today had been the last straw. She was used to people calling her a name or two during the day, or people looking at her in the corridor and laughing, but today, everyone seemed to be out to get her. She didn't once turn a corner with out someone laughing, Quinn and Santana had been especially vehement with their taunts, screaming treasure trail and RuPaul, among other names, down the halls at her whenever they saw her. She'd been slushied twice, once by Karovsky and once by Puck, and when she'd been in the bathroom cleaning herself up for the last goddamn time, she wasn't taking this anymore, with tears in her eyes, Santana and some other cheerios had walked in and laughed, said "Jesus manhands, this is the girls bathroom, can't you read?" Then laughed again and called her pathetic when they saw the tears in her eyes, before shoving her roughly into the wall on their way out.

Rachel didn't cry then. She refused to give them the satisfaction. She quickly changed her top, retrieved her things from her locker, and ran to her car, skipping the last couple periods to go home.

Now, there was only one thing Rachel saw fit to do.

She walked into her dads' bathroom, opened the medicine cabinet, and immediately sought out her goal. One bottle of sleeping pills, and one of pain killers. She walked downstairs and retrieved a bottle of gin from the liqour cabinet, before slowly ascending the staircase to her bedroom again. She sat on her bed and twisted off the cap of the gin. "Now or never. Come on Rachel, this is all you've wanted to do for years, you're finally getting your chance." she muttered to herself. Without any more hesitation, she swallowed 20 pain killers in a row, washing each down with a shot of gin. Grimacing, and feeling her head go slightly fuzzy from the alcohol, she opened the bottle of sleeping pills, knowing she needed to be fast to get it done before the mixture of gin and the first sleeping pills made her arms too weak and her lids too heavy to be able to do much more. she took the rest of the bottle of sleeping pills, about 38 she reckoned, but with the effects of the alcohol setting in she couldn't be sure, two at a time and lay down on her bed waiting for the long sleep she knew was coming, ready to embrace it.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thank you all for the reviews & alerts, means a lot! 3 And thank you to my awesome beta BuffyAnne, for being a lot better at spotting my many errors than I am! ( also people with alerts, if you got two emails about a new chapter for this, my bad, the first one I uploaded was the wrong document so I had to delete and go again, sorry! )

When Rachel woke in the middle of the night, her first thought wasn't, "What the fuck? Why didn't it work? I'm such a failure. Pathetic. Pathetic. Useless." In fact, she didn't think at all. Her body seemed to be on autopilot as she ran for the bathroom to get sick. She hated getting sick, but this time was so much worse than ever before. It was nothing but bile, acid burning her throat and nose as she heaved into the porcelain, burning her insides and making her eyes water. Rachel had never been in so much pain in her life, and although she knew her first step should have been to call 911, it was, instead, to curl up on the ground of the bathroom and lay her face against the cool tiles. She began sobbing, berating herself for not being able to take her life even though she couldn't handle living it anymore. She was terrified. But after a few minutes, when she felt sure she was done vomiting, she poured herself a large glass of water, pretty much inhaling it, and went back to bed. She didn't want 911. She wanted to die.

. / . / . / ./ .

Rachel woke the next morning and, feeling pathetic, skipped her morning routine in favor of a little more sleep. When she woke again, she got ready slowly for school and headed out the door with nothing to eat. She was afraid of a repeat of last night and she wondered why she was even bothering with school. She wanted so badly to stay home and try again and again until she succeeded but thought better of it. She had failed the first time; it was time to live with her secret and her shame. She was still in a lot of pain but, as she got her books out of her locker and headed off to face the day, thought to herself that it would pass with time.

. / . / . / . / .

Later, in glee rehearsal, Rachel's pain got worse. She had been feeling agonizing pains in her abdomen on and off all day and knew that they were from her attempts last night. She was so angry with herself. She felt so stupid, and now she had to deal with more pain than ever. She just wanted it to stop. She would take slushie facials and name-calling all day, as long as this fucking pain would go away.

She'd been doing well with hiding it all day but couldn't stop the gasp she elicited when an especially bad twinge hit her during a solo. Her hand flew to her stomach as she cringed, begging for the pain to go away.

"Come on man hands we haven't got all day. Your diva shit is getting seriously annoying." Santana commented from the back of the choir room, looking bored and playing with her hair. Her reaction mirrored almost everyone else's. No one cared about her well-being.

"I - I'm sorry, I...Mr. Schue, I don't think I can finish the song. I need to sit down. I'm sorry" Rachel muttered to the teacher as she fell into the nearest seat, clutching at her stomach and trying not to cry in pain.

"Alright, Rachel, no problem...uh guys, just work on some group stuff together for a few minutes please." Will instructed the group as they all groaned and sighed at Rachel's drama.

Will slowly crouched down in front of Rachel, who was clearly in agony, before tentatively asking, "Rachel, what's wrong? You look awful..." He knew she was sick, that much was obvious, but he thought nothing of it, odd as it was for Rachel Berry to be ill.

Rachel shook her head, her eyes closed in pain, and tried to speak. She thought she felt the pain relent moments later.

"Come on Rachel you need to tell me what's wrong. You really don't look so good." Will whispered softly, expecting the girl to give him some sort of information, but he was shocked and a little frightened by the response he got.

Rachel suddenly doubled over in her chair, screaming out loud, unable to take the pain that had come back twice as strong as soon as she thought it was easing. Everyone's attention was immediately drawn to her, and Mr. Schue became slightly frantic in his attempts to find out what was hurting the brunette so much. He clutched her shoulders and tried to force her to look at him but wasn't having much success "Rachel? Rachel! What's wrong? You need to tell me right now, or I can't help you." Will almost yelled over Rachel's screams.

Rachel grabbed his shirt in her fist, still clutching at her abdomen with the other hand, and began mumbling through her tears and screams of pain. "Hospital...I need a hospital Mr. Schue. Please, please, I NEED a hospital!" She became more frantic and by the end of the sentence was almost screaming. Will knew she needed a hospital. He just wanted to know what was wrong with her before he brought her, in the hopes he might be able to explain, or even not have to bring her. He'd never seen anyone in so much pain for no apparent reason but knew Rachel could be dramatic and didn't want to over react.

"Alright...alright. OK, can you walk?" Will asked. When Rachel shook her head 'no', he cursed under his breath and, as he picked her up bridal style, he hoped nobody took it the wrong way.

"Mr. Schue what's going on?" Finn asked. He was startled and slightly worried by the small brunette's behavior and knew no one else was going to ask, even though they all wanted to know.

Will walked quickly out of the room with the small teenager in his arms, answering Finn's question over his shoulder "I'm taking Rachel to the hospital Finn. She's in a lot of pain; I don't know what's wrong. Would you please tell Ms. Pillsbury and Principal Figgins? They'll need to notify her parents."

With that, Will walked as fast as physically possible out to his car, bundling Rachel into the passenger side before jumping in the driver's seat and taking off.

. / . / . / . / .

It was far from a quiet drive to Memorial. Rachel didn't stop screaming and sobbing, and finally - finally! - Will managed to find out what was wrong. It was a lot more worrying than he'd expected, and he found his foot pressing down on the gas unintentionally when he had clarified what Rachel said.

"Overdose...it was on overdose. I'm so sorry. I just couldn't take it but now I just want this to STOP!" Rachel had cried and finished the sentence with another groan in agony.

Will wasn't able to process it right away. "It...you...you what Rachel?"

"OVERDOSED! FUCKING GET ME TO A HOSPITAL!" She broke off with a sob, and Will wondered how many pills she had taken to be in this much pain but not dead.

"Ok, it'll be ok. Don't worry. We're nearly there. What did you take Rachel? They'll need to know." She screamed again. "Painkillers...painkillers and sleeping tablets...about 60...I took them with gin." She cried, ashamed of her actions and so embarrassed to have to be telling her teacher.

Will's breath hitched, and he made an astonished yet pained sound at the girl's confession. "Oh my God, Rachel...I...why would you do that?" When she screamed again he quickly apologized. He knew this wasn't the time for it.

. / . / . / . / .

Will pulled into the parking lot of Memorial Hospital, and quickly put his car into park and pulled out the keys, before grabbing Rachel and rushing to the ER. He ran to the nearest nurse he could find and told her as quickly as possible what was wrong with Rachel. The nurse nodded, paged a doctor and rushed Rachel off on a gurney. Will was told to wait in the waiting room, and that he'd be told as soon as possible if anything happened.

He tried to fill out some paperwork on Rachel but couldn't get the girl's screams out of his head as she was being carted away, so he just sat there, waiting for some news.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I don't really know if I like this chapter, but here it nonetheless (: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed etc, it makes me smile so big ^._.^ And of course to my wonderful beta, BuffyAnne

Enjoy!

FPOV

I know some people think I'm stupid, and think that I don't really grasp things as well as everyone else, but I really do. I'm not as dumb as I seem, and it's a misconception that kinda annoys me. I mean, sure, I don't give people reason to think I'm super intelligent, but that doesn't mean they have to make fun of me for being dumb. Anyways, the point to all this is, when Rachel went down in Glee rehearsal, I got really worried. See, even though I'm with Quinn, I really like Rachel. She doesn't treat me like an idiot, and sure she talks with big words sometimes that I don't understand, but she doesn't point it out when I make a confused face or don't answer a question I didn't know she was asking. She treats me with respect and as an equal - even though we all know she is definitely superior so I've always had a soft spot for her.

When Mr. Schue carried Rachel out to his car, everyone just got their stuff together and left, muttering goodbyes and offering each other rides. That's what really pissed me off. I ran forward and slammed the choir room door everyone was headed for, and then reeled around to face them all.

"What the _hell_ is your problem? Rachel was just carried out of here to go to _hospital_ and you're all just gonna walk out? Do NONE of you care about her?" I roared.

I was met with silence and quite a few dropped jaws, "She is our leader guys, the best one of us, and has been as great a friend as possible to you when she could, and all you do is throw it back in her face! I'm really annoyed; I thought you were all so much better than that." I turned and stormed out of the choir room toward Ms. Pillsbury's office.

Quinn ran up behind me, "What the hell is up with you Finn? Why are you so worried about the dwarf all of a sudden?"

"Q, what the hell is up with _you_? I know you're kinda mean and cold -hearted, and see yourself as superior to everyone else, but I never thought you'd brush off someone's evident pain., Rachel's evident pain. She's always been courteous to you, even though you've always been awful to her." I turned and continued down my planned route.

I got to Ms. Pillsbury's office and knocked on the glass before being waved in.

"Are you ok Finn? You look upset." She asked with her brows knitted.

"Sorry Ms. P, Mr. Schue had to take Rachel to hospital. He told me to tell you and Figgins so you could notify her parents."

"What happened? Is she OK?"

"Uhh…well she'd been looking sick all day, and in Glee she stopped singing suddenly and kinda collapsed into a chair. She looked like she was in agony. Then when Mr. Schue asked her what was wrong she started screaming and freaking out saying she needed to go to hospital…so Mr. Schue brought her and…here we are."

"Oh, OK Finn, thank you for telling me. I'll, um, I'll tell Principle Figgins and call her parents. You can go now."

"Thanks Ms. P" I muttered.

"Finn…are you sure you're ok? You look very worried. I'm sure it's nothing serious." She told me with a sympathetic smile.

"I don't know, Ms. P, she looked like she was in _so much pain._ Rachel doesn't get sick, like, ever…so something must be really wrong." I frowned.

"Well, Finn, you could always go to the hospital and check, if you want. I'm sure Rachel would like that."

"Yeah, Ms. P, I think I will. Thanks." I waved and sprinted from her office to the parking lot.

EPOV

Finn ran from my office looking very troubled. I sighed and made my way to Figgins' office, explaining the situation before returning to my own. After digging out Rachel's file with all her contact info, I picked up my phone and began to call Rachel's dads. After receiving no luck with their house phone, I punched in one of the cell numbers and frowned upon receiving an international tone.

After a few rings one of Rachel's dads answered, "Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Berry, this is Emma Pillsbury, I'm calling from William McKinley High to inform you that Rachel's been taken to hospital. One of the staff had to escort her there a few minutes ago. Does she have any medical illnesses that could result in inexplicable pain?"

"Oh my God, uhm no, no she doesn't, is she alright?"

"She's fine from what I understand, still conscious , but in a lot of pain. She collapsed in Glee club and that is what prompted my colleague to bring her to hospital. I noticed an international tone whilst calling you; are you out of the country?"

"Yes, my husband and I are in Europe on a business trip. What hospital has Rachel been taken to?"

"Memorial I believe. It's the closest to the school so it makes sense."

"OK, thank you so much Ms. Pillsbury, I'll get off the line now so the costs aren't too high. Thank you again. I'll get in touch with the hospital asap!"

"No problem Mr. Berry, uhm, before you go, is there anyone minding Rachel at home? Or would you like to advise me who else to notify in case she needs a guardian at any point?"

"Uhm, no, no one babysits Rachel. We trust her. I can't think of anyone to name as legal guardian, none of our relatives live anywhere near Ohio. Can a member of faculty act as guardian?"

"I'm sure they can under the circumstances."

"That's fine then, anyone believed to be responsible and trustworthy on the school faculty will do. I really must go now Ms. Pillsbury, thank you again."

The line disconnected after a worried and upset sounding Mr. Berry thanked me again. I leaned back in my seat and sighed, flipping my cell phone open to text Will.

**Hey, I heard about Rachel, is she ok? xEm**

I waited patiently for a reply and after a couple minutes my phone beeped.

**I have no idea, Em. She told me in the car that she overdosed. A serious amount. They rushed her off on a gurney a couple minutes ago and told me to wait here…I'm so worried, Em, she seemed so happy…why would she do this?**

My breath caught in my throat as I quickly typed out a reply,

**Oh my God, Will. I don't know why she'd do that…something must be awfully wrong for her to even think of it…keep me updated please, I've notified her parents but they're out of the country atm, they said if a guardian was needed that someone on the faculty could be appointed. She probably will need one, they won't just let her go home alone after this. xEm**

As I typed my phone had beeped again, I checked it after sending that message off to find another text from Will.

**Oh God, Em, I can hear her screaming, something must be wrong, they aren't telling me anything ****L**

**She'll be fine, Will. If she's still conscious, there's still hope. xEm**

I flipped my phone shut and packed my things up before making my way to the hospital.

FPOV

As I ran to my car, my path was blocked by Puck. "What the hell, man? Get outta the way I'm in a hurry!"

"Are you going to the hospital Finn?"

"What? Yes! Where else would I be rushing to?"

"I don't know…do you mind if I come with?"

I did a double take and wheeled around on my foot to look at Puck. "What?" I had not heard that right. Puck, of all people, was not the only other member of Glee worried about Rachel.

"I wanna go with you to the hospital…I'm worried about Berry."

"Seriously? Why the fuck isn't anyone else bothering?"

"To be honest, dude, they were all a little freaked by your outburst. They reckon you're goin' nuts. You probably are but, at the same time, something is really wrong with Rachel. I wanna find out if she's ok. And I think they all reckon there's no point in going to the hospital and crowding it, cause she's probably fine, or whatever…" Puck trailed off, clearly uncomfortable to admit he was worried about Rachel.

"Uhh…OK dude, yeah, that's fine. Jump in." I muttered before peeling out of the car park and tearing down the road.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Bad news guys, I have exams for the next two weeks ): They're fairly important so I don't know how much I'll be able to update. My mom might take my internet away for the duration but, if she does, fear not, if I'm not updating I am definitely writing (:

WPOV

I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity, before none other than Finn Hudson and Noah Puckerman walked through the doors. They spotted me pretty quickly and headed towards me. I stood as Finn started speaking.

"Hey, Mr. Schue. What happened? How's Rachel?" He asked with a confused look on his face, no doubt from the extremely worried one on mine.

"Hey Finn. Puck." I nodded at them. "Uh Rachel, she uh… she told me she took an overdose last night. About 60 pills." I admitted in a hollow voice, not sure if I should be telling them this.

"What?" Finn yelled, face become quickly shocked and then heartbroken.

"Did she say why, Mr. Schue?" Puck asked, with much the same expression as Finn.

"No guys. She was in a lot of pain; that's all I could get out of her." I sat back down and continued, "I've been here for about twenty minutes. The doctors told me to wait out here. Sit down. I don't know how much longer we'll be waiting." I dropped my head to my hands, and the boys did as I said.

As the minutes passed, I began to pace the waiting room. No one said anything and, for about thirty more minutes, we were left in the small waiting room. Eventually, a doctor approached us.

"Are you all here for Rachel Berry?" He started.

We all stood, "Yeah, yeah we are. How is she?" Finn asked.

"Well, let me start by saying Rachel has ingested a lot of pills. A mixture of two equally harmful substances in great amounts. Had you been much later there would not have been much we could do except hope. " The doctor started and my heart dropped.

"However, the case being you got her here in the first 24 hours of the overdose, there is a lot more that can be done for her. She's being administered activated charcoal intravenously to counteract the effects of overdose. Her liver is being monitored for signs of acute failure, and her kidneys are being monitored for signs that we may need to start dialysis. We'll have to keep her in here for observation, could be up to a week."

I sighed, "OK. How's she doing now?"

"She was in a lot of pain - her liver wasn't reacting well to the tablets - a typical side effect of overdoses, so we sedated her. An unusual practice for patients of her caliber, but she wouldn't calm down."

"Uh, yeah, she doesn't deal well with pain. Or hospitals. She must've been hysterical." Puck muttered.

"Yeah, uhm, so what'll happen?" I found myself asking, wondering what would happen to Rachel after this.

"Well, we'll keep her for a few days and monitor her health. Then she'll have to have a psych evaluation and, depending on the results, it will be decided whether she'll stay here or be released into a guardian's custody. I'll keep you updated."

After the doctor walked away, there was silence in the waiting room. I was still reeling from the bombshell that _Rachel Berry took an overdose._ I was working things through in my mind, trying to figure out why she did it and if she was vulnerable enough to do it again, amongst other things.

We sat in that waiting room for what seemed like hours; just waiting for some news.

RPOV

I woke up to white. Nothing but sterile, bland, boring _white._ The brightness hurt my eyes and when I moved to cover them, I felt a tug on my arm. That's when I became aware of everything else, the IV in my arm, the scratchy hospital sheets and the…the memories. The pain. The panic on Mr. Schue's face when I explained what I'd done. The tears started flowing without my realization that they had pooled in my eyes, or consent. A choked sob escaped my throat as I scrambled for the nurse's button.

As soon as she entered, I started wailing, "Get me out of here! I want to leave! Where's Mr. Schue? Oh God let me _out!_" I sobbed. The nurse called for a doctor and as soon as I saw him enter, needle in hand, I stopped crying. "No, please, I'm sorry, I'll calm down." I whispered, "Please don't."

"Ms. Berry, this is not something I want to do; however, if you do not calm down, I will be forced to sedate you again."

"OK, ok. Can I speak to Mr. Schue?"

"The man who admitted you?""Yes."

"OK. There are two other young men in the waiting room. Would you like to see them too?"

I scoffed, "No. I want nothing to do to with them. Please, just send Mr. Schue."

The doctor looked confused, but nodded anyway. Moments after he left, Mr. Schue walked into my room, pausing by the door and looking worried. "Why, Rachel?"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Schue. I don't expect you to understand, but it all became too much. First Jesse broke my heart, and then Finn did. Despite all my efforts, my fellow glee clubbers still hate me and my dads have lost faith in me. They're never home anymore and when they are, they barely talk to me. No one cares. And I can't live like that. No friends, basically no family, and ridiculous dreams that are extremely unlikely. I _don't want_ to live like that." I cried.

"Rachel, not all of that is true. Heartbreak isn't forever, and _of course_ your dads care. Glee cares, even if they're not good at showing it. We_ all _care." By now he had moved to the chair beside my bed, and kept trying to convince me that I was worth life. I wasn't listening, and soon he gave up.

. / . / . / . / .

Days passed. No one came to visit me except Mr. Schue, Finn, Puck and my dads. My dads visited twice, on the second occasion to tell me they were going away for another two weeks and releasing me into Mr. Schuester's care until they were back.

Finn and Puck visited every day, almost religiously, and tried to cheer me up. They updated me on what was going on in school and glee, and told me everybody sent their regards. Even though by the looks on their faces, I knew they were making it up.

Mr. Schue also came every day after school to get updates from the doctor's, and to try to talk to me about what I was going through. Sometimes he brought Ms. Pillsbury. Her awkwardness made me uncomfortable, so I asked him to stop bringing her. He complied.

After my psych evaluation, I was told that I was free to go but only into Mr. Schue's care.

The ride back to my place - the doctors thought it better I be somewhere familiar - was awkward, until I decided to speak up. I knew we were going to be spending a lot of time together, and he already knew so much about me, I figured it wouldn't hurt to let him in some more.

"You know why I think I wanna be on Broadway, Mr. Schue? I don't think it's because I love singing - which I do - but I think it's because I've spent my whole life as a shadow. Second best to someone else. Sometimes worse than second best. All I want is to be somebody. To be recognized for being Rachel Berry: someone _amazing, _rather than Rachel Berry: perpetual loser and dirt on the bottom of everyone else's shoes." My voice slowly drifted from a whisper into nothing, and as the truth of what I'd just said set in, I felt the tears begin. I had based my entire life on something I convinced myself I wanted for all the right reasons. But I was wrong. I had built the dream and based my life on the want to spite everyone I'd ever known and be famous for the power. I was a horrible person.

When I got to my house, the first thing I did was get a glass of water. It reminded me of when I was a kid, and I really needed the comfort I used to get from the simple liquid. I stood facing the counter, trying not to be disappointed in myself, when Mr. Schue leant against the counter beside me and began to speak.

"Rachel…I know this is difficult for you but I want you to know I'm here. It might seem awkward to talk to me, but you have to try. I wanna help as much as your dads and the doctors, but I can't do that if you won't talk to me, ok?"

I nodded, "I'm gonna take a nap Mr. Schue. Thanks." and slowly walked to my room.


	5. Chapter 5

WPOV 

As Rachel went upstairs to sleep, I went to watch TV. I soon found myself unable to concentrate and had no idea what was going on in the film. I turned off the TV and sighed. How had someone as amazing and talented as Rachel be dealt such awful cards? She didn't even believe in her dreams anymore. She may not think it, but she was so worthy of her dreams. She was meant to be on Broadway, to entertain the masses and have her name in lights. Anything that could suck that out of a girl so young was just… just not right. It was awful. As I pondered this, I noticed it was getting late. I got up, made dinner and then went to wake Rachel.

RPOV 

I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up in tears, unable to remember my dreams, so I gave up. I needed to shower but couldn't find the energy, so I ran a bath. As I lay in it, thinking, wondering why I had to go through all this; I'd never done anything wrong enough to deserve it. I sighed and reached over for the shampoo, knocking my shaving razor into the bath. I picked it up and was struck with a thought. I'd done it before but soon snapped myself out of it and never considered it again. Until now.

I didn't bother breaking the razor apart, figuring three blades to be better than one, and ran it over my wrist. The pain was indescribable and the endorphin rush was amazing. I smiled and tried not to cry out in pain as I ran the blade over my wrist repeatedly, before switching to my other, and then to my thigh. This was my punishment for being so dumb, and for obviously having done something wrong to deserve this life. 

I didn't mean to cut deep, and didn't realize how deep I had gone until I was feeling tired. I dropped the razor and straightened my legs, thinking it would stop me from slipping under the water while I napped. I don't know what I was thinking.

WPOV

When dinner was ready, I went upstairs and knocked softly on Rachel's door. After receiving no response, and not hearing any noise coming from inside, I figured she was still asleep and that I should wake her. I opened the door and poked my head in through the gap. She wasn't on her bed and the door on the other side of her bed was closed. I walked over and knocked quietly.

"Rach? Dinner's ready; I made vegan burgers. Do you want some?" I waited for a response and became worried when I didn't get one. I knocked again, becoming more worried.

"Rachel?" I put my ear against the door, trying to hear any noise. Nothing.

"Rachel? Rachel open the damn door!" I banged on it with my fist and then switched to ramming it with my shoulder until the wood splintered. I couldn't get my hand to the lock from the hole I'd made in the door, so I stood back and kicked at the handle. The door swung open and my eyes were immediately drawn to the bath. Rachel was lying there, underwater, surrounded by blood coming from her wrists and thigh. 

"FUCK!" I yelled and ran to her. I jumped into the bath and lifted her up to see if she was breathing. After establishing that she wasn't, I jumped out of the bath and put my arms under her legs and back, hoisting her out and setting her on the ground. She was paling, but still warm to the touch, so I tilted her head back and began CPR.

After countless breaths and compressions, I got desperate. I began muttering under my breath, begging anyone, anything, to help.

When Rachel began coughing, I thought I'd never hear anything more beautiful. As she was spluttering and trying to catch her breath, I grabbed some towels. I wound one up and wrapped it tightly around her thigh, before picking her up under the arms with another and sitting her on the bath. Her wrists were still bleeding, so I wrapped more towels around them as she curled in on herself. I picked her up again and carried her to her bed. Laying her down, I started asking questions.

"Rachel? Why did you do that? You're only out of hospital for attempted suicide…that wasn't the smartest idea you've ever had." I knew my word choice wasn't the best, but if I didn't say _something, _I probably would have cried. It killed me to see one of my students, one of my best students, feeling like this. 

The fact that it was Rachel just made it worse. I'd always admired Rachel more than my other students. I denied it because I knew my feelings were romantic - and inappropriate - and I couldn't let them grow. She was my _student_. But seeing her in so much pain; it broke me.

She was shaking gently with tears, and had put pressure on her wounds by putting her arms between her legs. "I didn't mean it as another attempt. I'm sorry" She cried.

"Then why? Why, Rachel? You have so many people who love you, who want to talk to you and help you get better. Why do you need to do this to yourself?" 

She shook her head. " I can't…I can't tell you." She whispered.

I brushed some of her wet hair out of her face, and held her jaw until she opened her eyes to look at me. "Rachel. It's me. You can tell me anything. I won't hold it against you, or tell anyone else. You need to trust me and let me know what's going on with you. I _really_ want to help. But I can't do that if you won't let me in."

RPOV

Looking into the eyes of Mr. Schue, of the man I had spent two years trying to convince myself I didn't love - and failing - was so difficult. The tears in his eyes made my heart break and simultaneously soar. I didn't want him getting so upset about me; I wasn't worth it. Yet, the fact that he was made me think he cared about me on more than a teacher/student level, and I couldn't help but be happy about it. My tears increased and I soon became angry at his words.

"Why Should I? Why, Mr. Schue? So you can laugh at me? Push me aside and call me pathetic just like everyone else does? So you can have something to make fun of me for or hold over my head? I'm sorry Mr. Schue. I don't think I could handle anyone doing that again. Especially not you. Not _you._" I finished the sentence with a broken sob, and rolled over to my other side. I couldn't look at him anymore. "Please get out." I muttered "I'll leave the door open so you can check on me."

With that, he sighed and left the room. But not before he took my hand and squeezed it. This upset me even more. He was taking pity on me, doing what he thought might help out of obligation. Not because he cared. He'd never return my feelings. He was only teary eyed because he knew if I died on his watch, he'd be blamed forever. His career would be over. His reputation sabotaged. Of course he didn't care. No one did. Even my own mother had abandoned me at birth and didn't want me back when I found her. If I could just be a better person - nicer, prettier, thinner, better at singing, and easier to get into bed - then maybe people would like me. But I'll never be any of those things. I'll always be nothing, because I'm not deserving of anyone's love or attention. I'm _worthless._

WPOV

Rachel hadn't come downstairs in a day and a half and despite knowing she was ok - she had kept her door open as promised - I felt the need to get her out of there. It was Sunday, so I was thinking of trying to cheer her up by watching a few musicals on DVD before school tomorrow, when the phone rang. It was Rachel's dads. I didn't get to it in time and the machine picked it up. I couldn't stop the rage from bubbling up when I heard them talking

The message started with laughter "Hey Rachel, Honey! And Mr. Schue of course! We're having so much fun on the west coast we've decided to extend our stay a week! Don't miss any school or practice. We'll be checking up when we get home! See you in about two weeks, Honey. Bye!" It cut off with laughter and squeals of delight. I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. I marched up to the phone, ripped it off the wall and threw it across the kitchen without a second thought. The plastic protested to the violence and shattered against the wall. I wished Rachel's dads would shatter as easily. How _dare _they act as if everything was fine? How could they pretend their daughter wasn't just out of the hospital for _attempted suicide_ and wasn't showing any signs of improvement? I wanted to punch both of them in the face and then take away their parental rights. Anyone who could be so awful toward such an amazing girl like Rachel didn't deserve her as a daughter. 

I turned and slammed my fist against the wall, frustrated. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair what Rachel had to go through, and it wasn't fair that_ I _had to be the one watching over her. It was wrong, inappropriate in so many ways – the least of which being the fact that I was her male teacher – and she was vulnerable right now. The highest, and what made it the worst, being my feelings towards her. They were only getting worse with every passing hour with her.

"Mr. Schue?" Her voice called from the doorway. I spun around and lowered my fist from the wall "Uh…is everything alright? I heard a few thumps…" 

"Uh, yeah, Rach, everything's fine. The phone got in a fight with the wall…it lost." I tried to lighten the situation, but she glanced quickly at the broken phone, and then turned back to me, her expression slightly darker. 

"Oh." was all she said. Then, "Are you okay? Is…everything okay?" 

I nodded. "Uh, Your fathers are gonna be away a week longer than expected. They called to tell us.""Yeah, I…I heard the message." She looked at the ground. "They didn't seem too broken up about it huh?" She whispered.

I took a step closer as I realized she had tears forming in her eyes. I pulled her into my arms and she fell against me. "I am so, so sorry, Rachel. It isn't fair how you're being treated right now. But I promise to help you through it." She pulled away and looked up at me.

"Thanks, Mr. Schue," She half smiled, "I really appreciate it."

We stood, looking at each other for a while before I brushed some hair out of her face. She took this as a hint and leaned up and forward on her toes to press her lips against mine. I tightened my arms around her waist, and she raised hers to my neck. Our lips didn't move, but it was perfect. Reality finally slapped me in the face and I jumped backwards.

"I…I'm sorry, Rachel, I don't think this is a good idea." I told her.

Her eyes began to water as she replied, "You're right. You're right, Mr. Schue, I'm sorry. God, I'm so dumb; of course it isn't a good idea. You're my teacher. You obviously don't feel the same way." She covered her face with her hands and turned to leave.

I grabbed her wrist and she tried to pull it away, but I pulled her back to me. "No, Rachel, that's not…that's not it. I do feel the same way, as wrong as it is. It's just…you're really fragile right now. I don't think leading you on like this would be a good idea. You know…if it didn't lead somewhere. You'd just be left more upset, and we'd be too awkward around to each other to work properly. I'm sorry. I really, really am."

She sighed, "Forget about it." and walked upstairs.

Before she slammed her door I heard a quiet sob, and never have I felt more like a complete prick in my whole life.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Sup, guys? This chapter's not one of my favourites. I'm suffering from a wicked case of writer's block - thank you exams! - and getting this written was so difficult. Happy weekend though, I'll try have another chapter up before Monday (: Thank you everyone for the reviews and alerts!

Rachel's POV

I felt so humiliated. I love Mr. Schue. This was no surprise to me – nothing new – but I never planned on acting on it. I never would have said anything to anyone or hinted anything to him for this exact reason. I didn't want to be in this situation. The feeling of rejection was so strong, and I knew I wouldn't be able to face him any time soon, if ever again.

I lay on my bed with my pillow over my face, mentally cursing myself for being so idiotic. I came to the conclusion that I had to do something. If I didn't, the awkwardness would just grow to be unbearable. So I sat up and got my school bag, deciding to write him a letter. A mildly immature approach but the easiest and probably best solution; I wouldn't be able to stutter or skip over any details and definitely wouldn't be able to pretend it didn't happen or take it back. Having physical evidence would kind of eliminate that possibility.

_Dear Mr. Schuester, _I began.

_This is probably a really childish way of doing this, but I won't be able to say this to your face; I'd probably lose my nerve._

_Let me start by saying, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you. It was way out of line and inappropriate in a number ways, but I couldn't help myself. This is difficult to admit - especially to you - but I've loved you for quite some time now. I should have taken the hint after our duet together, when you told me you'd only ever be my teacher, and gotten over you then. But the heart wants what the heart wants, and I can't help that._

_I don't exactly know why I feel so strongly about you. There are too many amazing things about you. The fact that you're staying with me right now, trying to help me through this difficult time, is proof of the amazing person you are. Thank you for this by the way. You're the only one who would accept such responsibility for me. _

_You help people when you don't have to. You have such an amazing outlook on life. You're inspiring, talented and beautiful, inside and out. You have such passion for everything you do, and always throw yourself into something with your whole heart, never half committed. Just to name a few._

_I'm going to get to the point of this now, because I did not intend for it to be a love letter in any way. _

_I'd really appreciate it if we could leave the kitchen incident behind us. This isn't going anywhere. I know you don't feel the same way and dwelling on that would really hinder our friendship. I hope it's okay that I call us friends because, after all of this, I do consider you one. It won't happen again, and I'm sorry if I upset you or made you uncomfortable in any way by kissing you. I didn't mean to. I hope we can put it behind us and get on with our lives without any ill will or awkwardness because we're going to be around each other a lot for a while longer._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Rachel Berry__._

I dug out my gold stickers and placed one by the end of my name, before folding the letter and padding slowly to my door. I cracked it open and listened for noises that might indicate where Mr. Schue was. After hearing the TV playing a sitcom quietly, I tip toed down the stairs, avoiding the squeaky ones, and went to the kitchen, where I placed the letter on the counter.

Just as I was about to walk out, Mr. Schue came in the door adjoining the kitchen and living room.

"Rachel. I—" He started, but quickly stopped when I shook my head and pointed to the piece of paper on the counter. He glanced at it quickly, and I noticed his gaze become worried and apprehensive before turning to leave.

"No, Rachel, wait. What is this? If this is…something bad…I don't think I want to read it. I'd rather talk about it."

I didn't really understand what he meant, so I sighed and said, "Just read it." before leaving.

Before I was out of ear shot, I heard him call in a worried tone, "Please just wait in the hall while I read it, Rachel. If you won't, keep your door open."

My steps faltered when I heard his voice. I could recognize the worry, but there was something else. He didn't think it was a…a suicide note? I gasped lightly at this realization before storming back into the kitchen.

"What?" I asked, stunned. "What do you think it is?" I yelled.

He flinched slightly. "I…I don't know. What is it?" He asked.

"Not a fucking suicide note if that's what you're implying!" I screamed. His face looked simultaneously relieved and embarrassed. "God, I'm out of here. Read the fucking note, and I'll be home in an hour."

"Rachel, you can't—" He started.

"Just _try _and stop me." I seethed, cutting him off, before grabbing my car keys and flying out the door.

Will's POV

I sighed as Rachel ran out the door, knowing that trying to stop her would be futile. I watched what direction she went through the large window in the living room, before unfolding her note and beginning to read.

I read the note and groaned. She didn't think I reciprocated. She wanted to forget about it and move on. I couldn't let that happen. I only pulled away from her because I thought it was a bad time to start something, but obviously I didn't explain that well enough.

I grabbed my keys and followed after her car, soon finding her in a nearby park. I parked my car beside hers, noticing she wasn't in it, and headed for the park entrance. I immediately spotted her curled up on a bench a few feet away. She was barely visible, having picked a dark area of the park, and was looking up into the sky. Staring at the stars.

She didn't look at me when I sat beside her but started speaking.

"Did you know all of these stars are dead? By the time their light reaches our sky, they're long burnt out. No one can appreciate them until they're gone. They spend their entire life time being invisible, only to be praised when they're dead." Her mood had changed dramatically, but not in a good way, and I frowned at how her voice sounded. Her eyes flicked toward me as she started speaking again.

"If I had been smart enough, taken the right tablets in the right combination and dose, that would have been my story too, Mr. Schue." I didn't like how she said _smart_ and not _dumb_.

She looked at the ground. "I wish it would have been." She whispered almost inaudibly.

"Rachel don't say things like that. Can we talk about your letter?" I asked, quickly changing the subject. I did not like how her thoughts were always so dark these days.

"There's nothing to talk about. I said what I had to and now we move on." She said firmly, making it clear she did not want to discuss it further. Probably for fear that she'd be rejected more forcefully.

"Yes there is, Rach. I don't think I was very clear earlier…" I started.

"You were perfectly clear Mr. Schue. Crystal clear. You_ do not _want me. End of story." She said bitterly and I sighed.

"No, Rachel. Not end of story. The fact that you think that's what I meant earlier proves to me I wasn't clear enough." She looked at me, confused. "I didn't mean to insinuate that I didn't want you, that I didn't feel the same way. What I meant to get across was that I don't think _right now_ is the best time to explore our feelings. You're in a really, really delicate place right now. I can't risk the possibility that this _won't _go somewhere, and you'll be heartbroken on top of all your current pain."

"I don't _care,_ Mr. Schue. I love you and I w_ant _to explore my feelings. There isn't a single person on this earth I feel as strongly about, or want to explore them more with." She said. "If you feel the same way, why can't we explore them? If nothing happens, then we both move on for good, knowing there's nothing either of us can do because _at least we tried._" She was almost begging. She shivered suddenly and I frowned.

"I don't know, Rach. Let me think about it, ok? Let's get back home though. You're cold and it's getting late; we've school tomorrow." She nodded, and I put my arm around her as we walked towards our cars. Before we got in, I turned to her,

"Oh and Ray?" She smiled softly at the nick name and turned to me, "Of course it's okay that you call us friends. I'd be highly worried and probably a little offended if you thought of us as less." I smiled. She smiled and let out a breathy laugh, before shaking her head in amusement and getting into her car to return home.


	7. Chapter 7

RPOV The rest of the night was uneventful. Mr. Schue and I went our separate ways to go to bed as soon as we got in. When my alarm clock started screaming at six am, I dragged myself out of bed and began my morning routine. After my routine and a toasted bagel for breakfast, Mr. Schue drove us both to school. We departed for separate classrooms and I sighed as I made my way to English.  
I didn t know if everyone knew what had happened, but by the way they were looking at me, I guessed they did. I made it through my first four periods before I couldn t take it anymore and raised my hand to be excused. My math teacher gave me a funny look but nodded and then followed me into the hallway.  
Rachel. She began. I noticed your absence the last week. Is everything ok? Yes, Mrs. Ryan. Everything is fine thank you; I was just a little under the weather. I smiled and turned to leave.  
Rachel, wait. I turned back to the youngish teacher, getting impatient.  
When you raised your hand I saw bandages on your wrist. Are you absolutely sure everything is ok? If you re harming yourself, I ll have to notify the school. I simultaneously panicked and felt relieved. Her words hinted that no one had found out about what happened, which I really didn t want them to, so I was relieved. But when she said she d have to notify the school, I panicked. No one could find out. I didn t want them to know. I felt tears splash down my cheeks.  
I um, I m gonna go talk to Ms. Pillsbury, Mrs. Ryan. I don t think I ll be coming back to class. I rushed through my words and turned to sprint for Ms. Pillsbury s office.  
Luckily there was no one there when I arrived. I threw myself in the door, and Ms. Pillsbury was quick to be at my side.  
Rachel? Rachel, what s wrong? She asked.  
I, I, Oh God! I wailed, shuddering with sobs.  
I m sorry, Ms. Pillsbury. I m so sorry. I couldn t stay in class. Mrs. Ryan she, ugh, she saw my wrists and I just had to leave! Would you mind telling her it s under control and not to tell anyone? Oh God, why did I come back to school? I am not ready to be back here just yet. Your your wrists, Rachel? What do you mean? Shit. I stopped breathing momentarily and burst back into tears when I realized Mr. Schue hadn t told anyone. Of course he hadn t; he hadn t seen anyone. Fuck.  
Ms. Pillsbury grabbed my arms and rolled my sleeves up, then peeled back the bandages with nimble fingers. The cuts were scabbed over but still very, very sensitive and obvious. I didn t bother to cover them back up when she gasped and dropped my hands. She went back around her desk and picked up the phone. I didn t listen as she mumbled into the receiver, and I only looked up when Mr. Schue walked in a few minutes later.  
Rachel? Are you okay? He asked. I explained the situation and he nodded.  
"Okay. Okay, Ray. I'm gonna take you home, but first," He grabbed my hands and brought my arms into his lap, "these are new." He muttered pointing at some of the cuts. "When did you even get the chance to do this? I watched you all weekend..." He murmured . A few tears slid down my face, and I looked to Ms. Pillsbury for help. "Will, you should probably get going now. Rachel shouldn't be here if she's not feeling up to it." I smiled in thanks before she continued, "And Rachel, when you do come back I think it might be a good idea for you to come and see me once a week for a while. Just for support and a neutral ear." I nodded and stood up.  
After Mr. Schue told Principal Figgins that we were leaving, he rushed me out to his car and barely waited for the doors to be fully closed before he began speaking. "Rachel, I thought you weren't gonna do that. I need you to promise me, okay? Promise me you won't do that again." I turned to look at him. "I'm sorry. I promise, Mr. Schue."  
"Will." He said. I looked at him a little confused. "When we're not in school, it's perfectly acceptable for you to call me Will." He smiled. I nodded and curled up on the seat, with my head resting against the cool glass of the window.

When we got back to my house, Will put on a movie while I changed into sweats. I came back downstairs but before I could really get into the movie we had on, I fell asleep.  
I woke up in Will's arms under a blanket and smiled happily before turning to look at him "Hey," I mumbled groggily, rubbing my eyes.  
"Hi." He replied, his face centimeters away from mine. I knew what was going to happen as soon as I heard his tone of voice.  
He slowly leaned toward me, while pulling me closer with his arms. Our lips touched, and I smiled slightly before deepening it. After a few minutes furiously making out, I climbed into his lap. He promptly grabbed my ass and stood up, forcing me to wrap my legs around his waist. The blanket fell to the ground as Will stumbled out the door with me in his arms. He flew up the stairs and lay me gently down on my bed, before crawling on top of me. He snaked his arms under my top, and I unbuckled his belt before sliding my hand into his boxers and grabbing his length. He moaned appreciatively before reconnecting our lips.  
Suddenly, I recoiled from him like he was on fire and shoved him away. Due to our close proximity to the edge of the bed, he fell off and landed hard on his ass with an angry grunt. I laughed openly before muttering, "Sorry, sorry!"  
I felt kind of guilty for pushing him off me, but I had to know what was going through his mind. "The point of that was to point out that this isn't exactly taking it slow and exploring our feelings. Plus you haven't given me any kind of verbal confirmation that you do want to do this. He looked dumbfounded. Was that not clear enough? He asked.  
Emotional 360 in less than 24 hours. I approve. I smiled. I reached my hand out and pulled him back up onto the bed before curling up in his arms. But let s take it slow. If we rushed into it and then you regretted it and broke it off, I might die. I whispered. He looked worried again, and I quickly reassured him. I mean, not literally, but it will be the kind of heartbreak that girls like me hold for the rest of their lives."  
"It's not really an emotional 360. I want to do this, Rachel. I just hadn't fully decided if now was the right time until today." I smiled, "Well I'm glad you decided it was. Now let's take a nap, I'm actually exhausted." I yawned and fell asleep in Will's arms, slowly on my way back to the happy teenager I once was. 


	8. Chapter 8

Ta - Da! Sorry it took so long, explanation at the end of the chapter!

This story is gonna be mostly Rachel's POV, so I'm not gonna mark it unless it changes. Let's all just assume it's Rachel unless stated otherwise (:

. / . / . / . / .

I woke up a couple hours later when I felt the bed shift slightly. When I opened my eyes, Will was sitting on the edge, stretching.

"Hope you're not planning on making a sly get away while I snooze." I smiled at him.

He turned with a smirk on his face, "Well I might just do that next time, let you enjoy your dreams alone. Judging by the noises you were making in your sleep, they're very enjoyable. I hope you're not dreaming about anyone but me." He lay down beside me again on his stomach.

"Oh God! I'm sorry; I didn't realize I made noises in my sleep." I buried my head in my pillow. "What kind of noises?" I asked, voice muffled by the cotton.

"Oh don't worry; they're very sexy. Little moans and whimpers." he winked. "I was getting up to make dinner. We've been sleeping for a while; it's six."

I sat up and tousled my hair with my hands, "Ok, be down in a sec". He gave me a quick kiss before heading downstairs to make some food. I brushed my hair and splashed water on my face before following. When I got to the kitchen, he was putting some vegan lasagna in the oven. I hopped up onto one of the bar stools at the island and watched him bustle around until he sat across from me, looking awkward.

"What's the matter?" I asked, my eyebrows knitting together.

"Well, I've been thinking. You know we haven't actually talked about what's going on with you? I need to know to help you, Ray."

"Oh." I looked down at my fidgeting hands, "I wasn't really planning on talking about it."

"Look, your fathers placed you in my care because they knew I could help you. I can't do that without finding out what's up. I love you and I want to help. I want us to be open about everything."

I smiled at the four letter word he hadn't said to me before. "Ok. But you know, I did tell you what was wrong in the hospital."

"Not enough; not everything. So...do you want to begin with why you felt suicide was a good idea?"

I flinched at the way he almost spat the word suicide at me but started talking anyway. "I don't know, Mr. Schue. Have you ever just felt so awful, so hopeless and desperate for a way out that you would do anything?" He didn't show any reaction. "Well that's how I felt. See, all I've ever wanted in life was to be liked. To have friends and be happy. That isn't such a bad thing to want; not too much to ask. But I never got that. I got the drive and determination to be the best I could be - which I'm lucky to have and thankful for - but everyone else just sees it as intimidating and bitchy. If I tell someone in Glee how they can better their voices, they take it badly. They think I mean to mock them and put them down, but I'm only trying to make them be the best_ they _can be, make the club the best _it _can be. So I never got any friends. I got people drawing pornographic pictures of me in the bathrooms; I got people throwing slushies in my face on a daily basis; I got cheerleaders and jocks shouting names at me and pushing me into lockers. It upset me, but then I joined Glee club. I thought everyone would be just like me, driven, talented and dedicated to the club - which they are - and therefore thought I'd make friends in there. But I was so wrong. The members of Glee club are possibly the worst to me. We're all vulnerable and constantly on the defense simply because we're in Glee club, and thus losers by default. So, when I slip up in any way or they find something to ridicule me about, they snatch up the opportunity to make themselves seem stronger. To make themselves seem cooler, to try and counteract the effects of being in Glee club, to try and prove that they're not losers. But it fucking hurts, because we're meant to be a team, and they only include me some of the time. I get it no matter where I go. Then I started dating Jesse and thought that someone finally understood me and loved me for me, but it turned out he was using me and didn't love me the way I loved him. I was devastated. Then I had my heart broken again when Finn broke up with me. People think I'm strong but I really, really am not. All of that pain got me so down, and when I'm down, I notice all the little things and only pull the negative from a situation. So it all just kept building and building, and then last week everyone was being especially mean, and I had _no one _to turn to - my dads are never home - so I just broke. I couldn't handle it. I still can't. I don't know where I'd be right now if it weren't for you, Will." The words tumbled from my mouth completely uncensored and not thought through, and by the time I was done, I was crying; almost sobbing. Will had his hands over mine, offering me support.

"Rachel, I'm so sorry. What you have to do is realize all of the good things in your life. You're so amazingly talented that you're definitely going to get out of this town someday. Your dads love you, even if they can't always be here, but when they're not, I am; I always have been. And at the risk of being an awful person and teacher, every time the kids say something to you or hurt you, just think how much better off than them you're going to be in a few years. Sure some of them might get out of here, but they're never gonna go as far as you will, and the rest will be stuck here for their lives, regretting the day they ever started picking on you when they see your name in lights. Try and take the good out of some situations and when your fathers get back, I'm gonna talk to them about getting you some proper help, ok? I'm not good at professional help, but I'll always be here with a shoulder to cry on and arms to fall into when you need them. And of course any advice that I can give, ok? I know high school sucks, believe me I've been there, but you gotta persevere and know that life gets better."

I smiled up at him and nodded, "Thank you, Will. Talking to my dads would be so fantastic of you; I don't think I would be able to do it. We've grown so far apart recently that it would just be awkward and awfully hard. I know it'll get better but sometimes that's just so hard to imagine. Did your life get better, Will?"

"No problem, Ray. Yeah, my life got better. It still sucks sometimes. I still get down about what happened with Terri and Emma, but I focus on the good stuff. Glee club - although I'm now a little worried about them from what you've said - my friends, my family, the fact that although being a teacher isn't my dream job, I get to help people every day. I get to help them grow and learn and become wonderful people, so I'm lucky. Now what do you think about going to school tomorrow? I'm free most of the day, so I'll be available at the drop of a hat if you should need me."

"Alright. Ok, yeah, I'll try." I smiled shakily, and Will got up to serve the dinner onto plates. "You know I'm here for you too, right, Will?"

He turned and smiled at me, "Yeah, I know, Ray. Thanks."

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I saw six missed calls and seven texts. Three calls from Noah, two from Finn, and one from my dads. I opened up the messages and began reading them.

_Noah: Ansr th fone Berry, u disappeared frm school today, wth? R u ok? x  
Noah: I sed ansr ur fone Berry! Jst wna check on u. U be in 2mo? x  
Noah: Ok, ive called 3 times & no ans. ima ring u 7 & if u dnt ansr, im comn ovr! x_

I scoffed at Noah's text language – it really annoyed me – and continued reading the texts.

_Finn: Hey Rach, how are you doing? I didn't see you in school? Anyways, reply to my text or calls when you get this xxx  
Finn: Rach you alright? Puck said he saw you leaving school really early, what happened? reply! xxx  
Finn: I know you're pissed at us atm but please answer the phone or text back, we're just worried! xxx  
Finn: Ok. Puck said he's gonna try you again at 7 and if you don't answer he's gonna head to your house. If you don't answer, I'm going to too. If you do, I'll ring you at 7:30, ok? please reply... xxx_

I smiled and tapped out a quick reply to Finn before flipping my phone shut and digging into my dinner.

_Hey Finn. Sorry, I fell asleep when I got in. I'm fine, but if you guys still wanna call that's cool. Tell Noah too will you? I'm about to eat dinner and it's rude to text at the table! :) xxx_

I went to bed that night feeling apprehensive but confident. I didn't want to go back to school, but Will had promised to be available all day, and Noah and Finn told me they would stay by my side. It would be a long day nonetheless.

. / . / . / . / .

I was anxious in school all day, even though I had Finn and Noah. They gave warning glances to anyone who looked at me even slightly oddly, walked me to and from classes and sat with me at lunch. I thanked them several times and they smiled and told me not to worry every time. They talked to me all day about random things and made jokes to get me to laugh, so it wasn't all that bad. If I hadn't been so worried about Glee practice all day, it would have been probably the best school day I've ever had.

When the final bell rang, I picked up my stuff and walked with Finn to the choir room. I took a deep breath and walked in. Everyone stopped talking and turned to look at me, including Will.

"Hey, Rachel. Good to have you back!" he smiled.

I returned it and sat down at the back. Finn immediately sat on my right and Noah moved to sit on my left. Everyone gave him an odd look, which he returned with a hard glare. Santana turned to me and grimaced.

"Where the hell were you, Stubbles? Not that I'm complaining. I was kinda hoping you wouldn't come back, actually." She laughed at me.

"Shut the fuck up, Lopez. It's none of your business and I don't want to hear any shit from you." Noah snapped, leaning toward her angrily.

Santana gave him the filthiest look I have ever seen, and immediately retaliated. "How about you shut the fuck up, Puckerman? I didn't ask for your opinion, and why the hell are you defending Berry anyway? Last week you would have been more than happy to throw a slushie in her stupid face!" She yelled.

Noah jumped out of his seat, causing it to slam to the riser behind him. "I'm fucking warning you, Lopez! Keep your whore mouth shut!" He screamed back, causing everyone to turn and look at us. I was shocked, and I'm sure my face showed it. I tried to pull Noah back down to the seat but he ignored me.

Santana stood up and turned to run at him, screaming, "Oh hell no, Puckerman! NO ONE talks to me that way!" but Will had already caught up with her. He grabbed her around the waist and pulled her backward, standing in between Noah and her.

"That is _enough_!" He bellowed, looking furious. "You are both making Rachel extremely uncomfortable, and I won't have this kind of behavior in my Glee club! Clean up your act or get the hell out!"

Noah sat down beside me again and turned to look at me. When he saw the shocked look on my face and small amount of tears in my eyes, his gaze immediately softened.

"I'm sorry, Rach. Are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you." He murmured, wrapping an arm around me, overlapping Finn's which he had placed there during the shouting match to try and protect me.

"It's fine, Noah. Just _please_ don't draw any more attention to this. I really don't want people finding out." I whispered back, hoping no one could hear us.

He nodded and rehearsals continued, albeit awkwardly. Everyone was looking at the three of us with questions in their eyes, Will included. I kept my head down and thanked the Lord when we were dismissed that no one had thought to voice their questions. They all left in their groups, muttering about what had happened, and Santana shot Noah one last glare before linking her pinky with Brittany's and walking out. Brittany turned and handed me a piece of paper before she left, much to the annoyance of Santana.

I noticed Finn and Noah lingering by the door while I got my stuff and stopped to go tell them that it was alright for them to leave.

"Are you sure?" Asked Noah.

"Yeah, Rach. We don't want anything to happen to you." Finn added with a frown.

"I'm sure guys. It's really quite alright. As you know, Mr. Schue is staying with me while my dads are away, so he's driving me home. I'll be 100% fine." I smiled. They nodded and hugged me tightly before departing.

"Ready to go, Ray?" Will asked. I nodded and as we walked to the parking lot, I unfolded Brittany's note.

_"Hey, Rachel. I know we don't get on and that's 'cause I'm always mean to you, but I'm nice really. I've been really worried about you since Mr. Schue had to bring you to hospital a while ago. I know something's wrong. You were out sick for so long. I hope you're ok. Can you text me if not? I might not always understand what you're talking about but I'll always try to help :) San's gonna be pissed about it, but don't mind her. She doesn't have any control over who I talk to, and right now I wanna make sure you're ok. I'm sorry for all the mean things I said in the past, San and Quinn make me do it :( I like you really, so here's my number."_

Brittany had scribbled her number underneath the note with a few kisses. I was confused at the girl's outreach. She had called me mean things in the past, although not as frequently or as harshly as Santana and Quinn, and told me she was more talented than me. I smiled anyway at the sweet blonde's letter, and put her number in my phone book. When Will asked what I was smiling about, I handed him the letter.

He smiled after reading it too. "Looks like things are getting better already, huh?" He said as he unlocked the car.

I nodded to myself. It did seem that way.

. / . / . / . / .

You guys, my laptop crashed last week and I lost everything. It still isn't fixed and the temporary replacement I have is severely old and having problems loading most sites, including my email where all the back ups of the chapters are :(

No one's been able to do anything about my laptop as of yet, so I'm sending it to England tomorrow for repairs. Good news? I haven't given up on "Don't Come Back For Me"! Bad news? It's gonna take a month to get my laptop repaired... :S

So, I'm gonna try and post as often as possible, and we should be back in business in a month at the longest!

Also, I just previewed the story, and noticed that alot of the jumps and stuff I put in aren't coming up, so if someone notices that the chapter is very bunched together, or there's no seperation between paragraphs that seem to skip some time(like lines or stars or stuff), would you let me know so I can fix it? That kind of stuff really annoys me!

- Beaut


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Ta - da! Chapter 9. I am so sorry it took so long, my laptop was delayed a couple weeks getting repaired, but it's back now and hopefully to stay! I'm really excited to get back into this story, I've missed writing it, and I hope you guys are excited to get back into reading it! Again, really, really sorry about the delay! I hope this chapter makes up for it somewhat (:

Thank you to my wonderful beta BuffyAnne, for being awesome and full of support (:

Disclaimer: Glee belongs to RIB & Fox, not me ): "Someone Like You" belongs to Adele. (Sorry if I got the lyrics wrong, I didn't actually look them up and I always get lyrics wrong lol)

* * *

I sat in the tiny cubicle after second period, trying to sob quietly. I had a wad of tissues pressed to my face, but my small whimpers and sobs were still very noticeable in the silent bathroom. Karofsky nailed me straight after second period with a grape slushie. You never get used to the cold sting of the corn syrup and ice hitting you in the face, but I've never been as shocked by it. I used to always be secretly prepared for the inevitable attack, but I honestly didn't expect it to happen today. I had been stupid enough to think that just because Puck and Finn were being so chivalrous and understood what was happening, that everyone else in the school did too. God, I'm such an idiot! Of course they don't. I'm still the loser of the school; I'm still gonna be number one on their target list. Now I was sitting in the bathroom, crying my eyes out with no change of clothes and being reminded of all the reasons I hate my life.

I heard the door swing open and sucked in a breath, waiting for whoever it was to leave. They didn't, and after a moment there was a knock on my door. My brows knit together in confusion; who the hell would knock on the door to the only occupied cubicle in the bathroom?

"Rachel?" Of course. Ms. Pillsbury would. "Rachel, I know you're in there. Will said you didn't come to his class and when I checked with Mr. Banks, he said you never showed up to his class either. It's almost lunch. Do you want to come to my office until then?" Apparently she didn't need me to confirm who it was before plowing through that monologue. Upon hearing no sound from me again, she continued her spiel. "Look, Rachel, I know you're in there and I can't stay in this bathroom much longer, so please come out. I can't excuse you from this class or the last one if you don't. "

I sighed and stood to open the door. Ms. Pillsbury was standing on the other side, tense and looking like a cat ready to pounce. Pounce right out of the bathroom doors in her case. I almost laughed but sniffled and started crying again when I caught sight of myself in the bathroom mirror. I had tried to clean off, but my sweater was stained an awful purple color, everyone would know I'd been slushied.

I spent the rest of the hour crying and doing some homework in Ms. Pillsbury's office. She had tried talking to me, but I didn't want to think about what happened, never mind speak about it. Things went so well yesterday, day two of Finn and Puck walking beside me everywhere, that I didn't think anything would happen for the entire thirty seconds they weren't by my side.

Lunch time came and I quickly made my way to the choir room. Everyone had beaten me there anyway. As I walked into the room, Puck looked pissed and Finn looked confused, jaw hanging open slightly. Will was first to speak.

"Rachel? What happened?" A month ago, he wouldn't have asked, preferring to ignore the stains on any of our tops. I smiled sadly, my eyes still red.

"Nothing, Mr. Schue. I wasn't paying attention in the corridors. Needless to say, Karofsky jumped on the chance to discard his dollars' worth of ice cold slushie on my head."

"Motherfucker. He's dead." I spun around to look at Puck, just in time to see him and Finn fist bump and stand to march out of the room, determination gleaming in their eyes. I tried to stop them, but Will beat me to it.

"Enough guys. Sit down. You wanna cause trouble? Do it on your own time, not mine. I'm sick of breaking up fights. Sit down and sing when I tell you to. I don't want to hear a word out of either of your mouths otherwise."

"But, Mr. Schue - "

"I said enough Puck! Sit. Down!"

They both grudgingly sat in their seats.

Not five minutes later Finn stormed out of the room, nodding at Puck inconspicuously as he went. Puck stood up, "Mr. Schue, he seems pretty pissed. I should follow him to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid."

Will nodded and Puck followed Finn. Roughly twenty minutes later, both came storming back into the room, red in the face with bloody knuckles and red spots on their clothes. They cornered Santana, and the screaming began.

"Who the fuck do you think you are?"

"How could you do that? She's _just _out of hospital! What made you think that was OK?"

"If you weren't a girl, I'd slam you into every wall in this building until you couldn't see straight!"

"What is your problem? You are so fucked up. Again, _just out of hospital,_ Santana!"

Santana didn't even look phased, "Shut up, Frankenteen and his idiotic sidekick. What's _your_ freakin' problem? Couple of weeks ago and _you _would have thrown the slushie. I don't get why this is such a big deal."

"This is a big deal because you're a pathetic little whore. You only feel good about yourself when you're sleeping with anything with a pulse or picking on the smaller people. Are you so insecure that you can't be happy with your friends and the fear automatically felt by everyone when you walk down the halls? You're a cheerio. You're pretty much untouchable. Is that not enough? Do you seriously have to prove your point by making other people feel like shit?" Puck was pissed. He lunged at Santana when she scoffed and made a gesture with her hand, obviously intended to shoo him away. Finn hoisted him back by the waist, and Brittany and Quinn were at Santana's side in a heartbeat.

"You know what, Puckerman? I'm sick of you tryin' to start shit with me. Why are you defending Treasure Trail the past few days, huh? You secretly fuckin' her?"

"Santana, shut up or I'll let Puck go. I don't even know why I'm bothering to hold him back anyway."

"Shut up, Finnocence, I'm not done. Anyway, I might be a whore, Puckerman, but I don't care. I like guys; guys like me. No harm done. I'm not insecure, but I _really_ enjoy the look of terror and heart break on someone's face when I straighten them out or hurl abuse at them. It's satisfying; it makes me happy. But if you _ever _call me pathetic again, so help me God, I will have your nuts on a platter faster than you can finish the last syllable on the word, got it? And as for _you,_ Finn. You couldn't hurt a fucking dust fleck, so I'm actually not all that worried, but same goes. Now get out of my face. Both of you."

Finn let Puck go as Santana turned away. He grabbed her wrist and spun her into his chest. I was close enough that I could see the force he was using to hold her there and that it was actually hurting her, but to anyone else except Finn, Quinn, Brittany and I, it probably looked harmless, if a little weird. I was also lucky to be close enough to hear the words he muttered in her ear.

"You like Karofsky right, San? I mean, he's on the football team, and he bows down to you and does everything you say. He's pretty fun too." She nods and he continues, "Well why don't you go and see what your little stunt has done to him, hmm? Maybe next time you'll think twice before giving the orders, because I might not like to hit girls, despite my actions when I'm angry, but I know a lot of chicks who will have no problem kicking your ass to L.A. and back. _Got it?_" He snarled, and Santana's face dropped.

I suddenly knew why Finn and Puck's knuckles were bloody. As soon as Puck let Santana go, Quinn pushed him further away and Brittany caught Santana as she stumbled. She looked confused for a minute before looking at Puck's knuckles and back to his face. She stormed out of the room, her two shadows on her heels, and I caught Finn's attention.

"Finn. Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did?" He flexed his knuckles and dropped his gaze, while at the same time Puck laughed. I flashed my eyes to him, and he continued laughing, before being cut off by a loud yell.

"MOTHERFUCKER. PUCKERMAN, HUDSON, YOU ARE _DEAD!_" I ran out of the choir room and towards where the yells were coming from, to see a large group huddled around a swollen and bloody Karofsky, lying on the floor. Great. They couldn't keep their fucking fists to themselves. Santana's head snapped up toward me when she heard me gasp, along with a few others. Everyone quickly looked back down, not too bothered with me when they had to tend to the boy on the floor, but Santana's lips twisted into a snarl before she sprung at me. Will caught her before she could get very far though, and pulled her back into the choir room kicking and screaming. Everyone in there stood gaping at us, jaws hanging open and eyes wide. As soon as I walked back into the room fully, and Puck and Finn came to stand beside me, their eyes quickly turned to scowls.

With everyone separated around the room, it became clear where the rift was. Santana stood with Quinn and Brittany on one side, arms crossed and eyes shooting daggers at Mr. Schue, who had warned her against coming near me in such a menacing manner again, and I sat with Finn and Puck on the other side. Everyone else sat in the middle, looking awkward but glaring at me at every opportunity. They obviously blamed me, but I was too upset to care. I blamed myself too, after all.

I spent that night curled up with a blanket and Will on my couch, watching TV and generally feeling sorry for myself. I went to school the next day, hoping things would have blown over by Glee, but alas, they hadn't. I wasn't too surprised. Nothing ever went the right way for me after all. I ducked my head and nearly ran to a seat in the back corner of the room, avoiding everyone's eyes. Everyone within a two seat distance of me immediately moved, and I felt awful. I wanted Finn and Puck to get here, or at least Will, so that maybe everyone would stop being so hostile. I picked at some lint on my skirt and, again, was disappointed when Kurt spoke up from the front of the room.

"This is all your fault, Rachel. I don't know how or why you got Puck and Finn wrapped around your little fingers, but it's causing problems. Big ones. You're a loser. Causing fights between those at the top of the social pyramid makes life a hell of a lot more difficult for us at the bottom, including you. We've all gotten more abuse today than ever before, all because there are tensions between Puck, Finn and Santana. May I suggest you get over yourself and stop dragging Puck and Finn along behind you? It's pathetic."

"Yeah, Berry, it's not cool. Why should we have to suffer just 'cause you're a wuss who's scared of walking down the corridor alone? We shouldn't. It ain't fair. Set this straight, or there's gonna be a whole lot more trouble in your life." Mercedes chimed in, and I could feel tears spring to my eyes. Ganging up on me wasn't fair. This wasn't my fault.

"That's not fair. Finn and Puck can make their own choices, and they made the choice to hang out with me at school and defend me because they're worried about me. Why am I being attacked for it? It is not my fault. Furthermore, why should I apologize and make this right? Why should I take all the heat for the losers? I'm the one most ridiculed and laughed at in this school. Just because I'm not as big a target anymore and therefore you guys are taking a little more of it in the corridors, doesn't mean I should offer myself back into that role, just to protect you. It's fairly obvious you wouldn't do it for me."

"Damn straight we wouldn't. You're _meant_ to be the one takin' all the heat. That's how it works. You take the slushie facials, we stay in Glee club and pretend to like you." I gaped at Mercedes and she looked like she regretted saying that. I grabbed all of my stuff and on the way out pushed past Will with tears in my eyes.

"Rachel, what's wrong?" He tried to stop me, but I shook my head and wrenched myself from his grip, shooting one last look back at the choir room before running to my car.

* * *

God, everything just seemed to get worse and worse with this Glee club. They'd never get along. I saw Rachel leave the choir room, and when she pushed me away and hurried out the doors, I saw Puck and Finn round the corner, I quickly nodded at them and jerked my head in Rachel's direction, they nodded back and took after the small brunette before I turned and walked into the choir room.

"What the hell was that, guys?" I shot a look of questioning disbelief around the room, before Kurt rolled his eyes and answered me while examining his nails.

"Ugh, Rachel got dramatic again. We told her to sort out the problems between Finn, Puck and Santana by essentially telling Finn and Puck to get lost, because we're getting a lot more shi - abuse in the corridors now that she isn't a target, and she flipped. She said it was their choice blah, blah, blah and that it wasn't fair that she make herself a target again to save us the grief. Which it totally is. That's the way things have always been, why change it?"

"Uhm, because it _is _unfair! You guys are unbelievable. Rachel does everything she can for this Glee club; she tries to help you with your voices; she helps me pick songs for competitions that showcase our best talents _and_ give everyone a shot at the spotlight. She's spent all year defending you and Glee club, believing that it would help to make you guys at least appreciate her efforts. She put _everything_ into this club, and you walk all over her. What would you do if you didn't have her, huh?" I was getting very angry at this point, and Tina interrupting me did not help.

"Mr. Schue, no offense, but she only does that so she can win. She doesn't _help_ with our voices, she tells us how bad we are and all of our faults, probably in the hopes of making us feel so bad that we won't want any solos and she can have them all. Lord knows that's all she wants." She finished with an eye roll and I _almost _slapped her. Well, not really, but you know what I mean.

Finn walked back in then, looking angry, and I assumed Puck had gone home with Rachel. I nodded at him before continuing, "_What?_ That is the biggest load of bullshit ever. You guys are so ungrateful! Why do you treat her like that? Do you realize we wouldn't even be a Glee club if it wasn't for her?"

"No one cares, Schuester, get on with the lesson."

"You're right, Santana. No one _does_ care_. _That is why Rachel cuts herself, and tried to kill herself a couple of weeks ago, because none of you give a shit about her!" Finn jumped up from his seat and yelled my name, telling me to be quiet, but I wasn't paying attention. "You are so self-centered that you couldn't see someone who was blatantly in need of help. You ignored her, because despite the fact she does everything possible for you guys and tries her hardest to help, you don't care in the slightest about her. Get out of my sight, and come back when you feel like you can actually be a team for once." I dismissed them and watched them leave with shocked expressions.

Finn came up behind me, tapping me on the shoulder. "Mr. Schue, why'd you tell them that? It was none of their business; Rachel is going to be so pissed."

"Rachel doesn't have to know I told them…"

"Mr. Schue, you have to tell her. She's gonna get suspicious when they all start treating her like a china doll, and she's gonna be way more pissed when she finds out you didn't tell her you told them." He raised his shoulders and eye brows at me and walked out of the room.

Fuck. He was right. I was going to have to tell Rachel.

* * *

I sat on my couch with a blanket wrapped around my frame, listening to Noah bang around in the kitchen. He was making it difficult to hear the show I was only half watching, so I sighed and muted it.

"Noah, what are you doing in there?"

"Tryna make some lunch that's suitable for your crazy vegan ass. What the hell is 'Tempeh' anyways?"

I groaned as I entered the kitchen and saw the mess, "It's an organic vegan food Noah. Put it down if you're not using it; you are ruining my kitchen!"

"No, I totally wanna try cooking this stuff!"

I lunged at him, attempting to grab the packet, but he deflected easily, stepping back and lifting it over his head. "Noah, while I appreciate the sentiment behind wanting to cook for me, I assure you it is unnecessary and I am not hungry at - OW! Noah! Give it to me!" He poked me in the stomach, only making me struggle harder to get the Tempeh back.

"C'mon, Berry, fight ya for it!"

"No, Noah! And my name is Rachel, give me the freakin' box!" I jumped repeatedly at him trying to pull his arm down, and eventually I just climbed onto the counter behind me. Noah started backing away and I huffed. "Noah, I will jump on you for that box." I warned.

"No, Berry! And my name is Puck!" He imitated me with a flick of his wrist. I huffed out an unintelligible noise, frustrated, and jumped at him. His eyes widened as he stepped forward again to stop me from face planting into the tile, and the small momentum I'd gathered plunged us both to the floor.

The box skidded across the floor and I snatched it up from my place on top of Noah, glaring down at him, "I fucking told you I would jump at you. Don't try this again Noah, I will always win!"

I rolled off of him, with the intention of getting to my feet, but he mirrored my movement and smashed his lips against mine before I could brace myself. I let out an indignant squeal, and Noah pulled back.

"You're hella hot when you're angry, _Rachel,_" he murmured against my skin, and I let out a breathy gasp as he nipped at my neck. He brought his mouth back to mine and, as I wrapped my arms around his neck, he slid a hand up my thigh. I wrapped my legs around his waist and let him pull me up from the floor and set me on the counter. He moved his lips back to my neck as he began to pop the buttons on my cardigan out of their holes with his left hand, while using his right to press me closer to him.

The lock on the front door turning sprung us both apart, and we stared at each other with lust filled eyes before I hopped off the counter and attempted to close the buttons on my cardigan. Puck moved to sit at the island with his hands in his lap, attempting to cover his arousal.

When Will walked in the kitchen door and threw me a lazy grin, my heart stopped for a second. It wasn't technically cheating if you weren't _officially _together, right? Right.

I smiled back and turned to make some coffee, guilt all over my face.

"Hey Rach, you seem to be in a better mood." He offered as greeting, and my heart stopped again. I had forgotten about the confrontation in the choir room. Puck's lips had made sure of that. My shoulders sagged and I turned to face him.

"Yeah, I… I had kind of forgotten about earlier actually."

"Oh… Sorry." I smiled weakly in return and went back to the couch, setting myself up for a weekend of boredom.

* * *

I couldn't feel my hands. I couldn't feel my face. I couldn't feel anything really. Will just said… he said… "They know?" I screeched. I could feel my face now, hot with anger and wet with tears. They rolled down my face unchecked, and I knew my eyes were on fire. "What the fuck do you mean they _know_?" I shot at him.

He walked over to me but I pushed him away, "No! Get away from me! What do you mean 'they know', Will? Who told them? And when?" My voice rose slightly in pitch and greatly in volume, but damn it I was pissed.

"I'm sorry, Ray. I got angry at them Friday after they attacked you and it just kind of… slipped out."

"It _slipped out_?" I roared, "It doesn't just _slip out_! Fuck Will! Get away from me! I can't believe you!"

I turned and ran from his office. I couldn't believe he told them. Who the fuck did he think he was? And to wait three days to tell me? So out of line. I went to the bathroom to clean up, and then the auditorium. Glee rehearsal could go to hell. None of them appreciated me anyway.

I sat down at the piano bench and began plucking out a tune. I didn't recognize what I was playing until I started singing along with the chorus.

_Never mind, I'll find someone like you_

_I wish nothing but the best for you, too_

_Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said_

"_Sometimes in lasts in love,_

_But sometimes it hurts instead"_

_Sometimes it lasts in love,_

_But sometimes it hurts instead._

I was crying again by the end of the song, unsure as to why I had chosen it. The lyrics were powerful, and I always cried singing it. This was the third time I'd trusted someone, loved them, let them into my heart, only to be betrayed.

I jumped and shrieked loudly when someone rested their hand on my shoulder. I turned around, nearly falling off the piano bench, and calmed down when I saw who it was.

"Christ, Puck, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" I placed my hand over my chest for emphasis and exhaled loudly.

"Sorry, what? I can't hear you 'cause someone just DEAFENED ME. Christ yourself Rachel, I'll be lucky to have my hearing properly restored ever."

I looked down and turned back to the piano, making Puck drop his playful smirk.

"Sorry, Rach, I didn't mean to upset you… I was just kidding."

"No, Noah, it's fine. It's not that. Did you know Mr. Schue told the whole Glee club about why I was in hospital?"

He looked shocked, "Damn, I skip after first period and come back to shit all over the place." I looked at him, disgusted. "As in shit hit the fan, Rach, don't look so nauseated. No, I didn't know he told them, why'd he do that?"

I was shocked at Puck's calm demeanor; I thought he would have been furious. "I didn't know you knew what nauseated meant, Pucky boy." He glared sidelong at me and I sighed before continuing

"Yeah, he told them on Friday, just after they all went crazy at me. Apparently he got angry and it just 'slipped out'" I said with air quotes.

"God, I am so sick of people betraying me. Is there not one person I can trust? Who can treat me right?" I dropped my head to my hands, thinking about what everyone would say now. "What are you even doing here, Puck? Glee rehearsal is on right now."

"Yeah, I know. When you didn't show up in the first ten minutes and Mr. Schue looked pissy, I figured you'd bailed. I know my Jewish women." He smirked "Rach, there are people you can trust. Mr. Schue _is _one of them, even if he doesn't seem it right now. He didn't mean to tell them, I'm sure, but it's better now that they know. You'll have more people to help you and maybe they'll stop being dicks. I'll threaten their lives to make sure it doesn't get out, and if all else fails, you'll still have me. I'll always be here." He grabbed my hand but kept his eyes lowered, and I gaped at him for more than a minute.

"Puck… what? I… You never cared before!"

"I know Rach, but the time I've spent with you the last couple days has been fun. You're actually pretty awesome, even in emo mode, and I kinda like you… a lot."

I could feel his palms start to sweat, but I was frozen. This was insane. Everything was insane right now. But that kiss in the kitchen… I couldn't deny I liked Puck… I'd known him for years, we grew up together till High School happened, and he was actually very kind and gentlemanly. Slowly, my body started to loosen up and I turned to face Puck. I brought my unoccupied hand up to his cheek and turned him towards me. I leaned in towards him, waiting for him to close the distance, and with a quick glance at my lips, he did.

We kissed for a while, lazily, and I smiled when we broke apart.

"This totally means we're dating now." Puck whispered, and I giggled.

"Of course, Noah." And I kissed the groan he tried to emit at the use of his Christian name away.

I deserved someone my age. Someone I could talk about with my parents and friends… well, parents. Someone I could go out anywhere with, kiss whenever I wanted, no matter the location. I deserved someone that I could actually be with, who would grow with me and go anywhere with me without any hesitations. Someone who I could potentially spend a long time with. Will wasn't any of those things. He was my teacher. Someone who had already grown completely, in a different era too, someone who had commitments in Lima, meaning he couldn't go to New York with me - or anywhere for that matter - I'd have to leave him behind. I smiled as I looked into Puck's eyes. This was definitely the right choice. _He _was definitely the right choice.

* * *

One last Author's Note, I'm thinking of writing a Klaine fic, I have the plot thought out somewhat and it's gonna be an angst fest, with nice fluff doses along the way, yay or nay? Would anyone read it?

Please review you guys, it makes my day and encourages me to write the next chapter! Even if it's just "this sucks" (Although preferably not… that would make me sad), I'll still appreciate it!


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Hey guys. Another update! Just a quick AN to let you guys know I'm gonna be making updates bi-weekly from now on. Tuesday and Friday if everything goes well. Also, I have the biggest exams of my life in a month (God help me), so updates mighttttt not be regular… but after the ridiculous hiatus we've just had I'm gonna try and not leave you waiting too long. (:

It is 5am here, and I need sleep. Enjoy!

* * *

"No, no it goes like this. Watch." I played the notes slowly again for Puck. He wanted to learn the song I had been singing earlier when he came into the auditorium. I giggled when he messed them up - again - and knocked his hand away gently. "Why don't we leave this for now? You're not very talented with the keys…" I smiled so he knew I wasn't being mean and he shrugged.

"I'm a guitar man, what can I say? Seriously though, these are just the same notes repeated, why can't I get it?"

I could see he was getting frustrated so I stood and reached my hand out to him "Let's just go for a walk around the school, hmm? Take your mind off of it." I smiled softly and squeezed his hand when he took mine.

"A walk around the school? Wow, you're easy to please babe." I shoved him and we both laughed.

We continued on like that for a little while, wandering around the school holding hands and talking, stopping every now and then so Puck could press me against a locker to kiss me.

"Honestly Noah, keep it PG. We're in school."

"I know, but I can't help myself. I can actually do this now without you slapping me. Besides, I've done worse in school." he smirked down at me and I shoved him lightly again.

I kept on walking until I came to the choir room. I looked in the glass pane and my heart sank, everyone was laughing and dancing while Will tried to calm them and get on with the lesson. I sighed, "It's like I don't even matter to them. They don't care that I'm missing from the first rehearsal after they found out my secret." Puck wrapped his arms around my waist, "Rach, they probably just think you're still upset about Friday. They won't get worried till you miss a few. Don't worry about it." He dropped a kiss on my hair and squeezed me slightly.

"God, I'm so dramatic. " I laughed sadly, "There's still a half hour left, feel like sitting in?" "Yeah, come on." He grabbed my hand and pulled me in the door, but I dropped his hand as soon as our presence was known. Most people looked at us blankly, but some gave me small smiles. Finn grinned widely and beckoned us over.

"Alright then, from the top guys." Will said when we took our places.

* * *

The rest of rehearsal was grueling, I didn't sit down once and the dance was difficult, especially with Finn stepping on my toes and forgetting his lines in favor of trying to get the steps right. Finally, we were all gathering our stuff to leave. Most left without saying anything to me but Brittany stopped beside me as she walked out. Santana waited at the doorway silently, looking on and seeming like she wanted to say something.

"Hey Rachel. I just wanted to say I stand by my note. I'd love for you to text or call me, especially now. Especially if you ever feel like… you know." She touched my wrist gently and I could feel tears welling "I'm sorry about siding with Santana. You know how she is and if I'd known how bad things actually were, I wouldn't have supported her. Please just text me or something, ok?" I nodded and she hugged me firmly before walking away. Santana waited by the door and didn't seem angry at Brittany upon her return, so I presume Brittany had had words with her previously. I stared after them and wiped my eyes when Puck came up behind me and put an arm around me.

"What was that about?"

I smiled, "Brittany being adorable. She gave me a note a few days ago saying she liked me and was worried about me. She gave me her number and asked me to get in touch if I needed; she was just saying that it still goes. I think she spoke to Santana about it, she didn't seem upset when Brit approached me…"

"Oh. That's actually pretty awesome." He returned the smile and grabbed my hand, "Come on, let's get you home."

As we left, I saw Will walking out his office door. He promptly stopped when he saw my hand in Puck's and I lowered my eyes to the floor, following behind Puck.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to come in? We could watch _Dawn of the Dead_ if you want?" I was sitting in Puck's truck with him, trying to persuade him to come watch a film. I didn't really want to be alone when Will got in, I wanted a little relaxation time before the questions started, and he was bound to be close behind us.

"I can't babe, I'm sorry. My mom's working late tonight so I have to cook for me and Sarah and it's already getting late. Glee ran longer than the norm today." He glanced in his rearview quickly before looking back to me, "Besides, here's Mr. Schue, you'll be fine. I'm sure you can even convince him to watch _Funny Girl _with you."

I sighed and leaned over quickly to kiss him, "Ok. I'll see you tomorrow." I hopped out of the cab and hurried up to my door. I beat Will to it and all but ran to my room. Not two minutes later, Will opened the door.

"Have you ever heard of knocking?" I snapped from my place on the bed, "I could have been changing."

"Doesn't apply. Open door policy, and I've seen you naked anyway Rachel." I blushed at the memory of him pulling me from the bath. "You know you're meant to have the door open."

"And if I don't? You gonna break my bedroom door too?" I looked pointedly at the still splintered wood of my bathroom door.

"What was that with Puck?" he responded. His voice held nothing of the calm and soothing tone he usually possessed. I couldn't place this… this almost _malice _in it.

I groaned, "None of your business. Get out of my room; I'm still angry at you!"

"No. I want to know why you were holding hands with Noah fucking Puckerman! Are you dating him? I thought you wanted to give this a shot?" He gestured between the two of us and I reached for my pillow.

"I said get the fuck out of my room! You are so frustrating!" I launched the pillow at him and it hit him square in the face. He grunted and picked it up, flinging it across the room.

"I'm frustrating? You are the frustrating one in this relationship Rachel! Do you not get how difficult this is for me? You've barely told me anything about how you're feeling and now you're dating Puckerman? I don't know how to help you if you won't tell me what's going on in your head!"

"I told you! You know how I feel! Now get out of my room before I forcibly remove you and then go into the bathroom. I won't fail this time either, you want that?"

He looked hurt, but turned to leave. "Leave the door open. It's the only thing I've asked of you. Come talk to me when you're not annoyed anymore." With that, he strode out of my room and down the stairs. I groaned and buried my head in the pillow. Life was not this complicated two months ago.

* * *

Puck's POV

I jumped up the steps to Rachel's door the next morning, taking them two at a time. I knocked and hummed under my breath while I waited. Mr. Schue answered the door and I smiled.

"Hey, Mr. S. Rach around? I'm bringing her to school.""Uh, hey Puck. Yeah, she's in the shower at the moment though. I wanted to talk to you actually." He closed the door behind him as he stepped onto the porch. His voice was low - almost threatening - when he asked, "Are you and Rachel dating?"

"Yeah, Mr. S, just started yesterday." I put the flowers I'd bought for Rachel down on the porch swing and turned back to him.

"Do you think that's such a good idea? I mean, she's going through a really rough time, and the last thing she needs is a boyfriend. Especially one as flaky as you. I mean, you know, you're not the most loyal and truthful guy…" he trailed off.

"What? Yeah I think it's a good idea. I really like her, she likes me. She agreed to go out with me. Why wouldn't it be a good idea?" I was getting confused and a little angry; who did he think he was?

"Well I don't, Puck. I think you should leave. Take your flowers with you, please. I'll bring her to school." He turned back to the door and disappeared inside before I could respond. I turned and left, confused as all hell at his defensive tone.

* * *

At lunch, I found Rachel at her locker and waited for her to finish putting her books away before mentioning this morning.

"So… I came to your house to get you this morning and something funny happened…"

"Oh?" She didn't look too interested.

"Yeah, Mr. Schue bit my head off. Basically told me we shouldn't be dating and kicked me out. What's his problem?"

She stiffened immediately, "God, that man! He is so frustrating. He's moodier than me and more emotional than a pregnant woman!" I gave her a weird look and she continued, "Been living with him for a couple weeks, remember? Anyway, I'll find out what it's about." She smiled up at me and I returned it, not satisfied.

* * *

I found Mr. Schue at the end of lunch in his office and I knocked gently. He waved me in without looking up from his magazine.

"What's up?" He asked. Again, without looking up.

"I could ask you the same question." His head snapped up at my voice, "What the hell was that about this morning? I asked Rachel, but I didn't really get any answers." I leaned against the wall just inside the door and he cleared his throat.

"It was nothing, Puck. I just don't think it's a good time for you to be in a relationship with Rachel."

"The hell it was nothing. You pretty much yelled at me; what the fuck?"

"Language, Noah."

"No, fuck that! I want to know why you think you know my girlfriend better than I do. We might only be dating a day, but I've known her longer than you, and we both came into her life trying to help her at the same time this year. I've spent more time with her as well. So what makes you think you know her better?"

"I don't. I just have more experience so I know now is most definitely not the time for her to be dating a temperamental teenage slut like you!" His words confused me. The Mr. Schue I know would never say those things. But I refused to let it go. I was going to get to the bottom of this.

"More experience? What the fuck does that mean? If you had more experience with suicidal teenage girls, you would have noticed the signs sooner and she wouldn't have been in the hospital. If you mean with girls, that's a load of shit; I have a lot more experience with the ladies. And if you mean Rachel, well, what the fuck do you _mean?_ So which is it? And from what I hear, I'm not the temperamental one. Choose your words wisely Schuester, I don't appreciate people thinking they're smarter than me, or more 'experienced'." I cracked my knuckles; this guy was really getting on my nerves.

"You really wanna know Puck? If you really wanna know, I'll tell you." He sidled closer and I nodded. "More experience with Rachel. Did you know she told me she loved me not long after she got out of the hospital and that we kissed? Did I tell you about that? No? Hmm…" he came closer again, his eyes unfocused , "Did I tell you we fucked?" He practically whispered in my ear and I shoved him away. He stumbled across the room and smirked when he saw the anger on my face. "Oh yeah, Puck. I took her virginity. She was such a good little slut. Actually, now that I think about it, it's fine that you're dating, because you're a slut too. She'll always come back to me though. I'm much better than you, and she'll realize that."

"Don't you dare call my girlfriend a slut. What is wrong with you? You're calling a girl who has serious issues a _slut _for sleeping with _you?_ Says a lot about you man." He lunged at me and punched me in the face. Apparently I hit a nerve. I shoved him back and punched him in the stomach, "What is your problem? Suppressed rage much?"

We continued fighting and screaming at each other until Rachel walked into the room, "What the hell is going on here? Will! Get off him!" She pushed Mr. Schue - who she was apparently on first name basis with - off of me and knelt beside me. "Puck? Shit, Puck you're bleeding everywhere. Where is this coming from?" Her hands hovered over my body, and I waved her off and sat up.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I spat out some blood.

"Right. Then would someone like to explain what the hell is happening here to me?" She looked furious.

"I came in here to see what his problem was this morning and he went crazy. Started hitting me. But not after telling me something interesting. Did you fuck him?"

Her mouth dropped open, "_What? _NO!" she whirled around to face Mr. Schue, "What did you say to him?" She screeched and I winced.

"I -" He started, but I cut him off.

"He said you told him you loved him. That you made out and then he fucked you. He said you were a good little slut and then called me a slut, multiple times." I could see she was almost crying, "Is that true, Rachel? What the fuck? You slept with Mr. Schuester?"

"I - What? No!" She turned back to Mr. Schue again, "What the fuck did you say that for? Who do you think you are? I trusted you! I told you what was wrong with me; I let you stay in my home, and this is what I get? You telling everyone what happened to me, then calling me a slut and telling my new boyfriend a _lie?_ Why did you say I slept with you?.This just doesn't seem like you. Why would you say these things?" Silence. "Answer me Will or I swear to God!"

Mr. Schue looked panicked, his eyes becoming more focused. When he spoke, his voice was softer, "I'm sorry. Rachel I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to! I was just angry and I _really_ don't want you dating Puck! I'm so much better for you! I love you, please…"

I stood with my mouth open, unable to believe what I was hearing. Rachel looked pissed, "No, Will. Another thing you didn't mean to tell anyone. Did this just slip out, too? I can't trust you. I don't want to trust you; you're just making everything worse. I don't love you. In fact…" she walked closer, "I _hate _you."

Mr. Schue looked heartbroken and he turned to walk away, "Goodbye, Rachel." and with that, he was gone.

Rachel immediately turned back to me, "Shit. Puck, you're still bleeding. Wait here." She slipped out of the room and returned with the choir room's first aid kit. "Sit down, Ill clean these up."

I sat in Mr. Schue's recently vacated chair and winced as she cleaned my wounds.

"Did you really tell Mr. Schue you loved him?"

"Yes."

"Did you mean it?"

"I don't know, Noah. I thought I did but I'm not so sure now…"

"Why did you agree to go out with me then? Did you seriously not sleep with him?"

"Because I like you Noah. I know you're sweet and caring underneath that bad boy façade. We grew up together remember?" She smiled softly, "You've been amazing recently, and I need someone who's going to be there for me, who's good for me. You meet all of those specifications and more. You're pretty much wonderful, all things considered. And I do really like you." She placed her hand on my cheek and I smiled at her, "And no, I did not sleep with William."

"Awesome. You're not a slut by any stretch of the mind by the way, don't listen to Schuester."

She gave me a soft smile, "Neither are you, babe. Come on, let's go back to mine. I can tend to these better there. And screw afternoon classes; we're going to watch _Funny Girl_. " I groaned and followed her out to her car.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: Sorry, guys. This is possibly the worst chapter so far… I just don't like it…

Thank you so much to everyone who reviews, favorites and alerts, it makes me very, very happy (: The traffic is awesome for this story, so I know you guys are out there… please drop a review, it encourages me a lot and makes me smile (:

This chapter will, hopefully, clear confusion about Will's actions. And Rachel's… and their relationship.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Thank you to my amazing beta BuffyAnne. She is to thank for the coherency of this story! No, really…

* * *

When I arrived home, I expected Will to be waiting for me. I took a deep breath and turned my key in the front door, ready to drill him about what the hell is going on with him. But, as I entered the house, I got the distinct feeling that it was empty. Every light was off, there was no music playing softly, no TV playing an ancient sitcom complete with laugh track. "Wait here." I muttered to Puck, before padding softly upstairs and into the guest room, thinking maybe he'd just fallen asleep.

I pushed the door open gently, calling Will's name in a hushed voice but got no response. I walked into the room, and instead of finding him curled up on the bed snoring quietly, I found all of the drawers half open or on the floor, the bed perfectly made, and the closet empty. "Oh no…" I whispered, before turning and flying down the stairs.

I searched every inch of the house for him, but both he and his stuff were gone. I was getting worried; this was _so _unlike him, to just run away from me. Something was wrong, and I needed to figure out what. I pulled Puck out of the house with me and barely gave him time to close the car door before I threw the car into drive and sped off down the road. Maybe he'd just gone back to his apartment.

I ran up the stairs when I got there, having told Puck to wait in the car, and groped around the top of the doorframe for the spare key I knew he left there. When I found it, I flung his door open but got the same atmosphere. No one was here. I searched the rooms quickly, hoping superficially that he'd be in one of them. I got the same result as I did in my house and, huffing out an annoyed breath, pulled out my cell phone as I went back to the car.

I called him 6 times before deciding to give it time. He was old enough to take care of himself; he'd get back to me eventually.

* * *

When I went to school the next day and had still received no response from Will. I decided the best thing to do would be to check his office and classroom periodically. When I hadn't seen him in either by 3rd period, it became obvious he wasn't in, and I got slightly more worried. It was _so _unlike him to miss school! Something was definitely wrong.

I went to Miss Pillsbury's office after third period and asked her to attempt getting in touch with him.

"Please, Ms. Pillsbury. He's not in and he's not at my house or his apartment. He's been ignoring my calls and messages since yesterday and you _know_ he doesn't do that!" I begged.

"Alright, Rachel. Calm down, I'll call him now." She reached for the phone and quickly tapped in his number. She hung up a minute later.

She kept trying. Every time it disconnected, my heart grew a little heavier and her face got a few more worried creases. After what must have been her twentieth attempt, she gave up.

"He's not answering, Rachel."

"Thank you Captain Obvious, I guessed!" I snapped, dropping my head into my hands.

"Calm down." She was speaking monotonously - never a good sign.

"Oh God, Ms. Pillsbury, this is _all _my fault!" I sobbed, but my eyes were dry. "We had a huge fight yesterday and he stormed off. Oh God, I'm so stupid. I've been putting him under so much stress! I've been so selfish! He never needed this - he has enough problems without my idiotic teenage drama!" I was getting angry at myself now, and I could feel tears prickling my eyes. Ms. Pillsbury came around her desk with a box of tissues, dropping them beside me, and wrapped me in an awkward hug.

"It's ok, Rachel. It's not your fault. It could have been any number of things; you can't know for sure what set him off. You said you couldn't find him at his home address or at your house?" I nodded weakly, "Ok. Well, we'd better go and report him missing." I nodded again, and we collected our stuff to leave.

* * *

Will's POV

I could feel myself fracturing from the inside out. Everything was getting so messed up. I had all of these feelings all of a sudden, building up inside of me. At first, I was just worried about Rachel, but when we got over the initial problems, I'd thought I'd been helping her and I stopped worrying somewhat. I admitted that I had feelings for her, deeper than a teacher should have with a student and things changed. Then I started noticing how she wouldn't tell me what she was actually feeling. There was no communication. Sure, she told me when something happened, and I'd hold her while she cried and make her dinner or put on a movie to lighten her spirits. But that rarely happened. That's when I started feeling protective. She mostly sat in her room or in front of the television, and the worry came back full force. I wanted to talk to her, ask her to open up, but I couldn't gauge her general emotional atmosphere. So, I didn't know if it was the right thing to do. I got confused. I just sat in silence and watched her try to keep it together, with everything the glee club put her through recently and all the feelings that were still so obviously fresh in her mind. It distressed me to see her like that and not be able to do anything.

I felt worried, protective, loving, confused and somewhat depressed that I wasn't actually helping her, even though I'd promised her fathers I would. Then I got so angry at myself for breaking a promise, for being worthless, for not getting Rachel to open up; and at her, for not opening up. I made it obvious I was always there, but she never took my help, not really.

Then Noah Puckerman walked in the door and swept her off her feet, and I got even angrier. I hadn't made my affection obvious enough clearly. She was driven into the arms of another man for comfort. No, not a man, a _child. _Noah Puckerman, of all people. I just lost it. I hit a _student_, lied about Rachel and hurt her feelings. I said horrible, horrible things. And I don't really know why I did it. The guilt set in when I looked at Rachel's heartbroken face in my office and at Puck's bloody face and t-shirt sprawled on the linoleum floor. I came back to myself somewhat, but realized this wasn't going away for a while. So I ran. Just like always. I have always - and probably always will - run from my problems instead of dealing with them.

* * *

Ms. Pillsbury and I left the police station glumly. We were told he couldn't be reported missing officially until there had been no contact for 24 hours. They'd put it on the system as a missing persons case after that time.

So I went home early, deciding I wasn't up for school the rest of the day. I felt awful. Will had been driven away by my idiocy. I do love him, but how could I tell Puck that? Puck is wonderful. He's been amazing to me recently, when I had very few others. I've always had feelings for Puck, but I know they will never go as deep as the ones I have for Will. I shouldn't forgive Puck for everything he's done and jump into his arms just because he's been there for a few weeks, but I've been feeling really vulnerable. And Will and I - We just aren't getting anywhere. It's like this wall has thrown itself up between us and I don't know what we can do about it. I want to reach out and just tell him that I do love him – that I need him – but he's been so withdrawn. I don't know what he's thinking most of the time, and I don't know how to approach him. We don't really talk. It feels like we're walking on eggshells around each other – both having realized how unorthodox this relationship is and how much we're going to struggle – and we've become hesitant.

I threw myself onto my bed, thoughts a mess and emotions the same. I needed to get Will back. I needed to sit him down, tell him how much I love him. I need to tell him how difficult things have been and how difficult they _will _be, but I have no idea where he'd even go.

At that moment, I realized how little I actually knew about Will and became determined to fix that. When he came back - because he would, he had to - I'd work harder at our relationship.

* * *

A/N 2: I know that it seems like the W/R relationship is about to be mended, but, believe me, there is a rocky road ahead before that happens! Shit's about to go downnnnn. Hope you liked it! See that little link down there? Yeah, that one that says review… click it! Because I love you! =D


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: Gee this story is killing me. Sorry if these chapters seem kind of pointless, the amount of studying I'm doing lately is absolutely frying my brain and I'm finding it difficult to write. Oh and Glee are doing the song the title for this fic came from =D Woooo! It's called "Jar of Hearts" and Rachel's gonna sing it. Original song by Christina Perri and a very, very good one at that. I'd link it, but it's in tonight's episode so I don't feel the need.

Disclaimer: I don't own, so you don't sue.

Thanks to my beta, BuffyAnne, for all her help! You are awesome (:

* * *

A week passed with no news. The police added Will's name to the long list of missing persons in the country, and told us we would be contacted if they received any information about his whereabouts. By the following Friday, everyone had heard about Will's disappearance. New Directions were, for lack of a better word, distraught. We kept up rehearsals, going over every step of every routine and experimenting with songs in order to build up our repertoire.

Every time we messed up, or someone remembered that our director was missing without a trace, there were cries of "What are we going to do?" and "We are so screwed without Mr. Schue!" - along with others - from all around the room. I was sick of it by Friday and stood up after Santana bitched Will out for abandoning us.

"Look, guys," I started, "we have to power through this. If we let this ruin our little club, we'll never stand a chance under the pressure of Nationals! I understand that I'm not your favorite person right now, but you need to listen to me. Regionals are coming up, and if Mr. Schue isn't here to help us, we'll just have to take the reins ourselves. No one knows how long he's going to be gone, and we can't afford to lose out on any practice time. We need to band together and figure this out. As a team."

I looked around at my fellow New Directions. Their faces portrayed what their words couldn't: just how heartbroken they were at the loss of Will. I couldn't help blaming myself. Eleven other people had been brought down with me because I'd driven Will away; eleven other people were hurting because of me. It was all my fault.

"That's an awesome theory and everything, Hobbit, but we don't have a chaperone without Mr. Schue, and they won't let us into the competition without one. And we don't have any idea what we're doing! Schuester had the letter with all the competition requirements on it." Santana just had to tear me back down.

"Ms. Pillsbury will be more than happy to chaperone us, and if we can't find the requirement sheet in Mr. Schue's office, then she can get us another one. We do know what we're doing; we haven't been a glee club for over a year without learning something, I'm sure. Everyone can work on song choices, and you, Brit and Mike can work on choreography as well. We can choose solos and duets by voting on both the songs and performers. It'll be fine. We can do this." Everyone nodded in agreement and I smiled back at them.

"Rachel's right guys. Let's get going!" Finn jumped out of his seat and made for the pile of sheet music on top of the piano before I pointed out that practice was actually over.

Everyone left with a little more hope, but I didn't miss the underlying feelings in every set of eyes: fear and distress.

* * *

I sighed as the front door of my house clicked closed behind me. It had been a week, and I still expected Will to be home grading papers after getting off early, or pulling in almost directly behind me when I arrived. The disappointment was a slap across the face every time neither happened. After dropping my keys on the table by the door, I pulled off my coat and shoes and went into the kitchen. I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't watch any movies; I just got too distracted. I couldn't do my homework because of the same problem, and I'd sent Noah home after school when he'd offered to come to mine. He'd been here every day this week so far, and I knew his mother was annoyed at him for it. I decided to take a shower and a long nap to calm my thoughts, but before I could make it to my bedroom, my phone started playing the intro to "Defying Gravity". I flipped the bedazzled device open before it got very far and pressed it to my ear without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"Ms. Berry?"

"Speaking."

"Good afternoon, Ms. Berry. This is Officer Callaghan of the Lima PD. I'm calling with some information about Will Schuester."

My heart stopped beating. "Yes?" It came out as more of a breathy whisper than a question, but the officer continued.

"Well, a little while ago we received a call from Peoria PD informing us that Mr. Schuester's car was found in their district. Someone called it in about two hours ago and we were alerted when the registration was traced back here. It was found crashed into a ditch on a back road, but no one was in or near it. There was a fair amount of blood in the vehicle, but Mr. Schuester has not been admitted to any of the hospitals in the vicinity. I'm sorry, but that's all of the information I can offer you at the moment."

I felt tears running down my face. Now I didn't know where Will was, or if he was even alive. He was in freaking Illinois. I choked out a quick thank you and hung up the phone, sitting down on my bed and covering my face with my hands. I was such a royal screw up. All of this was undeniably my fault, and I wondered why I hadn't been called on it by the glee club. Oh right, because they didn't know Will was living with me and they pitied me. I suddenly wished that the police hadn't called to update me; it just made me feel worse. I didn't know they were allowed to give me so many details, and not knowing about the blood spatter in Will's car certainly would have saved me some grief.

I lay down on my bed and wiped my eyes, letting my head fall to the side. I spotted the splintered wood of my bathroom door and squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting any more reminders of Will or the last few weeks. I let my thoughts run loose in my head for a few minutes before dragging myself to the bathroom, needing to distract myself. My eyes landed immediately on the drawer that held my razor. I was abruptly thankful to God that I'd kept it and also riddled with guilt for the same reason. I'd promised Will I'd thrown them all out and would use an electric shaver from now on.

I plucked the single razor from its resting place and held it in the palm of my hand, inspecting it. The cool metal glinted menacingly in the artificial light of my tiny en-suite, but I'd never seen anything more inviting. It would be so easy. Just a few cuts and I'd feel so much better. No one would even have to know; I could easily hide the scabbing cuts under my shirt sleeves, and no one would be any wiser. I rolled my sleeve up and gazed at my wrist, running my fingers over the already scarred skin. It would be my little secret, a way to feel better through all the pain, and something to keep me holding on. No matter what, I'd always have it.

The doorbell ringing merrily broke me out of my reverie, and I jumped slightly at the unexpected noise. I squeaked out a "Coming!" as I threw the razor back into the drawer and slammed it shut. I pulled down my sleeve and checked myself over in the mirror before running down the stairs to find out who was at my door.

I threw it open and was greeted with Puck's grinning face.

"'Sup, Berry?"

I leveled him with a glare and he rolled his eyes, kissing my cheek in greeting and slipping into the house. He pulled two movies out of a plastic bag and waved them at me, Dawn of the Dead and The Shining. "Figured you could use a distraction and I'm totally up for the cuddling watching scary films brings on," he smirked.

I gestured for him to go to the living room while I put on some popcorn and changed into some sweats. When I came back he had the first film set up and a blanket over his lap, pulled back slightly to allow me enough room to settle into the space beside him.

* * *

Puck stayed with me on Friday and Saturday, and by the time he left on Sunday, my shoulders were sagging under the weight of my thoughts. Puck's presence made me feel better, and the amazing make out sessions certainly took my mind off of things, but my thoughts were always lingering in the back of my mind, omnipresent and exhausting.

Puck dropped me off after dinner with a kiss, and I couldn't help the sinking of my heart. Alone with my thoughts, I trudged up the path and steps to my front door, slipping inside and flicking some lights on. I tried my hardest to keep my mind off the guilt and self-loathing gnawing at me, but I broke down while doing the laundry. It was nothing really, I just found a shirt of his in the pile, still smelling like his wonderful cologne, but it was enough to break the dam. A tiny reminder of what was gone, possibly forever.

I slipped the shirt on over my sweater and brought the sleeves up to wipe at my face, trying desperately to stop the tears. It wouldn't do to act like this all the time; I needed to be strong for myself, for everyone in glee. I was an actress, and damn it if I wasn't going to do just that. But here, curled up on the floor of my tiny laundry room, I didn't have to be anything but me. Rachel Berry, broken teenager. And so I let the tears fall and the sobs rip from my chest for a little while, before pulling myself up and relocating to my room.

As I fell onto my bed with a strangled sob, my eyes landed once again on my bathroom door. From this angle, I could see the drawer where my tiny confidante lay, ready to help me let go of all of my problems.

The tears subsided slightly as I slipped into a dreamlike trance, having only one goal and knowing the steps to reaching it well. I slipped Will's shirt off my slender shoulders and threw it on my dresser as I walked, mindful of the fabric and not wanting to stain it. I slipped down onto the tile of my bathroom gracefully, reaching for the middle drawer under the sink as I did so. Every nerve in my body thrummed with anticipation, waiting to welcome the endorphin rush they knew was coming.

I let the razor bite into the soft skin of my wrist, splitting it open. Crimson blood bubbled to the surface immediately, but I was not satisfied. This cut wasn't deep enough; I barely felt anything. So I wiped the razor off hastily and brought it back to the tip of the cut, pressing it in deeper and pulling it down faster. This time the blood flow was faster, and I felt a smile pull at my lips. I moved over a fraction of an inch, and repeated the process, reveling in the feelings the pain brought. The initial shock at how much it hurt, then the stinging aftermath, followed closely by an almost electrical buzz under my skin that allowed me to continue.

I kept going until I was broken out of the haze by pain. The rush had worn off, and I couldn't keep going. I noticed that my face was contorted with tears but close to splitting open with a smile. There was blood all over the leg I had rested my wrist on, and a little on the hem of my skirt, so I stood up quickly to clean up and change. It was only 8:30, but the emotional turmoil of the day had exhausted me, so I threw my skirt in the wash basket and pulled on some sweats to sleep in. A little extra sleep wouldn't hurt.

* * *

I drove with Puck to school in the morning, still exhausted. I slept a little late with the hope of feeling more refreshed, but it didn't work. I curled up in the passenger seat of Puck's truck with my head against the glass, completely spaced out.

"…it was totally awesome! … Rach? Rach, have you been listening to anything I just said?" I snapped out of it when Puck put his hand on my knee.

"Sorry, what? I guess I zoned out. Sorry, Noah."

"Uh, never mind. You ok? You seem a little… out of it this morning."

"Yeah I'm fine, I just didn't sleep very well." He shot me a knowing look, "honestly, Noah. I just couldn't sleep."

"Ok. If you're sure."

The remaining three minutes of our journey were spent in silence, and Noah raced around to my side of the cab when we arrived. He opened the door and offered me his hand. I took it with a timid smile, and he pulled me into a tight hug when my feet were settled firmly on the ground.

"You can tell me anything, ok, babe? I don't want you to feel alone, and there isn't much I don't know about you that will shock me." He dropped a kiss on my head and I exhaled heavily, never wanting to leave his arms.

We walked into school together making small talk, and before we parted for separate classrooms Noah looked at me and smiled. I returned the smile wholeheartedly, but something felt… wrong. Like we weren't meant to be sharing these kinds of smiles. I turned around and sighed, stupid teenage feelings.

* * *

A/N: Sorry if the geography of Will's whereabouts makes no sense, I'm not American so have limited knowledge in that respect =P (Also, I love Illinois, the "freaking Illinois" line was just to convey Rachel's stress over Will's disappearance & whereabouts!).


	13. Chapter 13

The rest of the school day was uneventful. When the final bell rang, I gathered my things and went to my locker to fish out my study notes. Puck met me there as usual and we walked to our cars in silence. As I got into my car I sighed. Puck would of course be following me back to my house, as he did most days, and I never got anything done with him there. My homework was piling up on top of all the laundry and cleaning that had yet to be done, and I really needed to get a move on with it. My teachers would only allow me so many days of not producing work before they really got on my case, and teachers breathing down my neck was the last thing I needed.

I pulled up outside my house, thoughts wandering, and failed to notice the black Honda sitting in the driveway. Puck jogged to my door and took my hand before we walked in.

"I'm just running upstairs to change and grab some books. I'll be back down in a minute, make yourself at home." I smiled at him and turned to walk upstairs. Not halfway through changing, Puck's voice reached my ear from the bottom of the stairs.

"Rach, you better get down here before someone gets hurt. Badly."

My brow furrowed as I pulled on my sweat pants and padded out of my room. "Noah, what on earth are you talking -" My sentence was cut off as my Dad appeared in my line of vision, jaw set and scowling at my boyfriend. I looked at Noah, only to see the expression mirrored. "Dad." I didn't know whether to be happy or furious that he was home, shooting daggers at my boyfriend.

"Rach, baby!" He exclaimed, happy to see me apparently. "How are you? Oh, we've missed you so much!" He pushed past Noah and swept me into his arms, squeezing the air out of me. I batted at his back until he put me down, then took a couple deep breaths.

"Dad, you're late home. I thought you were meant to be back last week?"

"Yeah we were, but the airport got our flights confused so we were delayed. You look a little pale, honey. You ok? Where's Will?"

Delayed my ass. "I'm fine. And Will's missing. He took off a while ago and Noah's been with me since." I slipped my hand into Noah's as inconspicuously as possible, but my Dad caught it and glowered once again.

"I see. Where did Will go? And why, tell me, did you think Noah a fitting replacement?"

I could feel Puck's hand clench tighter around mine, and I knew he wasn't taking this well. "Because, _Dad,_ Puck has been more helpful to me than anyone else, including you. So he is more than a _fitting_ replacement. And I don't know where Will went; he didn't even tell me he was leaving."

My Daddy chose this time to join us, and looked at me, shocked. "Rachel Barbra Berry, how dare you use that tone with your father! We have been helpful to you; we left you in the care of a very responsible person when business called and have given you a wonderful life. I don't know how much more _helpful _we could have been!"

Puck chose this moment to jump into the conversation. "Excuse me, _Mr. Berry, _but you've been far from helpful! You left your daughter alone for weeks after she _attempted suicide_! You barely visited her in the hospital before jettin' off on a 'business' trip! Obviously, your judgment about Schuester was off, 'cause he attacked me for dating Rachel before takin' off and leavin' her alone! Real responsible!"

"You stay out of this, Puckerman! You are a no good delinquent and a disgrace to your family and religion! I want you nowhere near my daughter!"

"Shut up! All of you just shut up!" I screeched, muting everyone else in the room. "Daddy, Noah's right. You _left _me when I needed you most. You took off for weeks and barely contacted me, so I have every right to use whatever tone I want with you and Dad! Puck has every right, also, to be in this conversation. He has been the one taking care of me for the past while, even while Mr. Schue was here, and he has been the one to stay by my side even if it put his reputation on the line. He is far more caring and understanding than either of you are, and I would rather have him by my side. You haven't given me a wonderful life, far from it. What kind of parents abandon their only child in the hospital? Terrible ones! I don't even know how to feel about you being home! God, you suck!"

I turned to storm back up to my room, but my Dad's quiet voice halted me. "I don't even know who you are anymore Rachel. Where has our loving daughter gone? All I see in front of me is a disrespectful monster. You've changed so much."

I turned back around, icy glare in place and tension rolling from every muscle in my body. "You're right. I have changed. I see the world for what it is now. I know what's out there. Lies and deceit and heartbreak wait around every corner, not happiness and dreams like you led me to believe. I've changed for the better; I'm stronger, no thanks to you." I grabbed my keys in the hand not being gripped by Puck's and stormed out to my car.

"Rach, baby, you ok?"

"Fine. I think you should go home Puck. I'll see you in school tomorrow." I reached up on my tippy toes to place a kiss on his lips before jumping into my car. He knocked on my window and I rolled it down, speaking before he had the chance to. "I'm absolutely fine, baby, believe me. Just go home and I'll see you in school. I promise." He nodded, with a conflicted look on his face, before walking to his truck and jumping in.

* * *

After driving for an hour with no idea what to do, I pulled up outside Will's apartment block. I couldn't go home tonight, and I knew he wouldn't mind me sleeping in his apartment so I locked my car and made my way up to his apartment. I grabbed the spare key from where I'd left it and slipped into the empty apartment. Weeks of being unused left it with a cold feel and thin layer of dust on every surface. It was eerie, to say the least, and felt nothing like the homey atmosphere I was used to encountering in it. I shivered as I turned on almost all of the lights and immediately went to turn the heating on, thankful it hadn't been cut off. Will must have still been paying for everything while staying with me.

I grabbed a blanket out of the airing cupboard when I realized I'd brought no work with me and curled up on the sofa, flicking the TV on. I thought coming here would upset me more - give me unwanted reminders of Will - but all I felt while I was curled up on his couch, surrounded by everything he owned and things that screamed of his presence, was comfort. The smell of him on everything made me feel at home, and I hadn't realized how much I'd missed it. How much I missed him. It was easy to forget about everything here. It was easy to just curl up on the sofa and laugh at stupid comedies, to let myself be distracted and calmed. I'd have to go home before school in the morning and change and face my parents, but at the moment I felt safe. So I could forget about the hardships until then. I eventually fell into a peaceful sleep, the first in a while, curled up on the sofa with a pillow tucked under my head.

* * *

**Quinn**

I walked into school on Tuesday feeling hopeful. Rachel was slipping back into whatever dark place she'd just come out of, and it very obvious. I'd gathered the Glee Club - sans Puck - the day before, and discussed what could be done with them.

Everyone agreed that although Rachel could be annoying, none of us wanted to lose her. We were horrible to her in the past, but only in a superficial way, and we did actually care about her. Some of us cared less, namely myself and Santana, but we all agreed that the crazy diva had wormed her way into all of our hearts over the course of the last year. We felt awful that she didn't know this and that she took our insults to heart, but I honestly don't think we could have expected a different outcome. We never showed her that we cared, and that was entirely our fault. We were completely to blame for how she felt, despite the fact that we weren't the only ones who tormented her. We were completely to blame because we never showed her we cared, and we were supposed to, so of course our words and actions hurt the most. We were supposed to be the ones who could she turn to and confide in and we weren't. If we had played our parts right, and let her come to us, it wouldn't have gotten this bad. She could have felt safe in the knowledge that we cared for her, and she could have let everyone else's comments roll off her back.

So, we had decided to hold an intervention of sorts. We were going to show her we cared and that we noticed she was hurting, and we were going to help her and offer her our support., We could probably never make up for what we had already done, but we were willing to try. I felt hopeful because we would maybe make some progress, and hopefully save our captain from an awful fate.

After last period, everyone met in the choir room and started discussing what we could do. Rachel was always late these days, probably preoccupied with her thoughts, so we had a couple minutes before she would arrive.

After maybe four minutes, Brittany turned from the door she'd been watching out of to speak to me. "Quinn, incoming. ETA, like, 30 seconds."

"Crap, we haven't decided how to start this yet. Britt, run interference." The blonde looked at me with a mildly confused face before I explained what I meant. "Go and distract her! Buy us some time by bringing her to the bathroom or something!" Britt nodded and quickly slipped out the door. It was almost showtime.

* * *

**Rachel**

Tuesday dragged on slowly, and I found my self extremely bored in class. I had glee after school, but wasn't really excited for it. I just wanted to go back to Will's and relax in relative peace. My parents hadn't been in when I'd gone to the house in the morning, so I grabbed a few days' worth of clothes and all my school books before bolting.

I walked slowly to glee, not feeling the need to rush, and my path was quickly intercepted by Brittany. "Hi Rach!" She started brightly, "Will you come to the bathroom with me real quick?"

"Uh, why can't you go alone Brittany?"

"I'm scared of the trolls. What if they try to pull me down the toilet and there's no one there to help me? I'll be lost forever in the sewers and they're no fun. I spent the summer lost down there, and I definitely don't wanna go back!"

I rolled my eyes at her, but followed her into the bathroom, washing my hands and trying to fix my hair while she used the facilities. Britt was sweet, but God was she dumb sometimes. It took me longer than it should have to lead the tall blonde back down the hallway to the choir room, she was distracted by _everything._

I breathed a sigh of relief when we got there, but Brittany shot me a timid and almost apologetic smile before ushering me in the door.

The second we walked in, everyone fell silent. I looked around the room for a second, confused, before Quinn stepped forward.

"Rachel," She began in a hesitant voice. "We need to talk to you."

"What about?" Surely they didn't need to run every song choice by me?

"About you. I know facing eleven people at once is intimidating, so take a seat. We'll speak one at a time, ok?" She led me to the seat she had just occupied and pulled another in front me, sitting down. "I'll start. I think I speak for everyone when I say we are so sorry. We're so sorry for how we've treated you in the past. We should have been the ones you could come to with your problems, but we shut you out and left you alone and we are _so sorry_. We never thought it would get as bad as it did, but we've seen our mistakes and we want to try and fix them. We may not have been there for you in the past, but we are now."

I looked around at everyone to see them nodding in agreement. I couldn't speak, and so I looked back to Quinn. Puck put his arm around me as Quinn moved forward to take one of my hands in hers. "Rachel, we were wrong to ever make you feel unloved or unwanted. We do love you, and that's why we're here today. We can see what you're doing to yourself. It's worse than before, and you don't deserve it. Talk to us. What's wrong?"

My voice was hoarse as I whispered, "Nothing."

Kurt came forward next, crouching in front of me with his hands in his lap. "That's not true, Rachel. Something is obviously wrong. We just want to help."

"Nothing's wrong!" My voice was firmer this time.

"Really? When was the last time you ate something, Rach? Or slept properly for that matter? You're wasting away. You haven't spoken properly to me in about a week and a half and before that we were fine. Something is definitely wrong." My head snapped around so I could look at Finn. His face looked absolutely heartbroken. I realized he was right; I hadn't spoken to him in a while.

"Everything's fine. I'm just stressed. I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you in a bit, Finn, but I'm just so busy with school and glee and keeping my house in check. Everything's fine; none of you have to worry." No one looked convinced, so I turned to Puck. "Tell them I'm fine, Puck."

The same conflicted look I'd seen on his face yesterday flew across his features, and I knew he was battling with the decision of whose side to take. "They're… they're right, babe. Something is wrong. I mean, you've told me some of what it is, and you've let me help a little bit the last couple weeks, but nothin' proper can be done unless you tell us the full story."

He looked as though he was in pain as he reached for my arm, pulling up the sleeve. "How can you tell me nothin's wrong," he began, "When your wrists are covered in these." He finished pulling up my sleeve, revealing the wounds on my arms, and everyone looked shocked. Quinn gasped and put the hand that wasn't in mine up to her mouth.

I wrenched my arm out of Puck's grip and jumped out of my seat, turning to face them all. "You don't get to care all of a sudden, okay? You guys put me through hell, and it is not ok for you to think that I'll just forgive you and spill my guts to you!"

Mercedes stood to face me. "Rachel, please, we _are _sorry. We care and we just wanna help you. We don't wanna lose you and we can see that that's happening. Right in front of our eyes. We're not gonna stand by and let you do this to yourself."

"You had no problem standing by before. You don't get to care now, just because you know if something happens to me that you're to blame. It isn't fair to me, to ask me to forgive you guys just for your peace of mind. Even if I did forgive you and let you help me, you'd just forget after a while and shut me out again." I was shaking with anger and had to take a few deep breaths to calm myself. I grabbed my bag and turned to leave. "I don't want your help. I don't _need _your help. Leave me alone." And with that, I slammed the choir room door behind me and fled the school, speeding all the way back to Will's apartment.

* * *

A/N: You guys, we lost the Eurovision. I'm so sad ): Eighth place… Who the hell are you Azerbaijan (or however the hell you spell it)? I have never heard of you! Why did you win? Gah ): It's ok, Jedward, I still love you. Maybe next time bbs, but you _were_ awesome.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: This is only really part one of chapter 14 but I had to get something out to you guys. Additional AN at the end (:

**Rachel**

I spent the rest of the week in Will's apartment, sleeping and watching TV. I hadn't been to school since Tuesday, still annoyed with the glee club for butting into my personal matters. My phone constantly rang and my text inbox was quickly becoming full. I ignored most attempts the glee club had made at contacting me, but told both Puck and Brittany that I was fine, just taking some time off. Brittany constantly sent me odd messages, detailing the most obscure incidents - most of which I assumed were fabricated - and I found that they did cheer me up on occasion.

By Friday, I was sick of doing nothing and decided to return home. Although I loved Will's apartment and the comfort it offered, I did miss home and the apartment was slowly becoming less comforting and more upsetting. I decided that going home around lunchtime was my best option; neither of my dads would be home so I wouldn't have to face them for a few hours.

Checking I had everything I had brought into the apartment and making sure every electronic device was off and unplugged, I left. I tried distracting myself on the ride home by singing show tunes, figuring out ways to alter them simply to occupy my mind, but I knew it was useless. The confrontation that was sure to happen when my parents got home was not something I was looking forward to.

I rushed into my house when I arrived, eager to get as much done as I could before my parents got home. Realizing that I was going to have to go back to school on Monday, caused me a lot of stress over the school work I had yet to complete. I walked into my kitchen to make some coffee and noticed a neatly folded piece of paper on the island. My name was written neatly on the side facing me and I picked it up, curious.

_Rachel,_

_We're very sorry to leave again like this, but we don't think we can be of much to help to you with your problems when ours are becoming worse. Your father and I have decided to go on a couples retreat to get some help. We haven't been honest with you, sweetie, and things are not smooth sailing for our little family._

_We want you to get better, but we don't think that will happen if we can't support you, and we can't do that without fixing our own problems. _

_After you left on Monday, your dad and I had an argument and we both discovered some unsettling things. I found out your dad has been cheating on me for a few months, and I came clean about stealing from the bank account. I never steal much but taking anything without telling your dad and spending it on myself is stealing, and it can get out of hand quickly. It already has. Your dad has broken things off with that other man but feels the things that led him to cheating need to be addressed, so we are seeking help. We love each other very much and don't want to split, but we've realized that is where we are heading if we don't identify and solve whatever is causing these problems._

_We're so sorry to leave you again, but we believe you are in capable hands while we are gone. We spoke to Noah and he said that while he didn't know where you were, you had told him multiple times you were safe and he is looking everywhere he can think of for you. We know you're a responsible girl and that you'll come home, so when you do please tell Noah and allow him to help you. We trust him, and we're very sorry for how we acted towards him on Monday. We have told him however, that if you leave more than 24 hours between your texts to contact the police and report you missing, unless he is contacted by us. _

_We'll ring the house phone or your cell phone as often as possible to speak with you, but until we talk next, know that we love you so much and we can't wait to come home and get started on helping you with your problems._

_We love you, baby girl._

_Dad & Daddy. _

_X_

I stood looking at the note after reading it for the fourth time. I was so confused. They were leaving me alone without knowing my exact whereabouts… to help me? Their judgment was very warped. At least they appeared to have forgiven me for my outburst on Monday. I folded the letter back up and put it in a drawer, deciding it was better to forget about it. They hadn't been here the last couple weeks - they rarely were - so being alone in the house was nothing new.

Halfway up to my room, coffee forgotten, the newly replaced house phone rang shrilly from it's perch on the kitchen wall. I rolled my eyes and kept going, not wanting to speak with anybody, but I stopped dead in my tracks for a split second when I heard the machine pick it up and flew back down the stairs when I recognized the voice slurring almost incoherently through the house. I pressed the phone to my ear, eyes swimming.

"Will?"

"Rayyy…" I couldn't believe my ears. It really was him.

"Will are you OK? Where are you? I miss you."

"Ray, I… I 'unno where I am." He ran the last two words together, making them sound like one, and I realized he was wasted. More wasted than I first thought at hearing his voice. "But it dun't matter… 'cause I not comin' home. Everrr." I realized this could be a short conversation, so I scrambled to find a pen and paper, jotting down the number showing on the tiny digital screen of the phone base.

"Will, what do you mean? You have to come home; your whole life is here. You can't just disappear forever."

"Yeah I can, that's wha' I'm doin'. Never have to deal with stress no more. It'll be totally… totally awesome. You should move on, Rayyy. Never comin' home!"

I could barely understand what he was saying, he made no sense. "Will, you… no. No, Will, you have to come home. I love you. You can't do this to me!" I sobbed, "You can't do this to the glee club… what about the glee club, Will? What will they do without you?" I was desperate. I had to find something that would make him come home.

"Mmmm… they'll be fine. Emma'll figure somethin' out for 'em. And you'll be fine with Puck. Good 'ol Pucky boy. He'll make ya forget me. You should fall in love with some'un else. I'm no good for ya… couldn't keep ya safe…" He was mumbling to himself, and I could tell he was slowly forgetting he was on the phone with me.

"No, Will. We need you. Please come home! I don't want to fall in love with someone else. I love you, damn it!"

"Naaaawww… naw, Ray, that's no good. Kay well I'll be leavin' ya so…""No, Will, don't you dare hang up this phone!"

"Bye, Ray."

"Will!" The line went dead. "Will?" I slammed the phone back into it's cradle and dropped my head to my arms, sobbing loudly.

It wasn't until I'd cried myself half to sleep that I remembered the number I'd hastily scrawled onto a piece of paper. The police would surely be able to track it. No, they definitely would; if I had a number, all they had to do was look it up in the database of national numbers I'm sure they have. Oh God, they could find Will!

I let out a slightly hysterical laugh as I picked the phone back up to dial the station's number. They would find Will and everything would be fine. Even if he didn't come home, I'd know where he was and I could go to him and drag him back.

"Lima PD" A bored sounding cop answered the phone.

"Hello, this is Rachel Berry. Is Officer Callaghan on duty? I need to speak to him immediately." My voice wavered gently, and I prayed that Officer Callaghan was available.

"One moment please." And elevator music started to play. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms impatiently, switching from foot to foot before pacing around the room.

"Ms. Berry? Officer Callaghan speaking."

"Oh thank God. I'm calling about Will Schuester. He just rang me, and I managed to jot down the number he called from. I was hoping you'd be able to trace it?"

"Oh. Well, that's a surprise. Yes, if you give me the number I can look it up and contact the local police station."

"Awesome. Do have you a pen?"

"Yes, go ahead."

I gave him the number and hung up after he promised to call me as soon as he had any information. Hopeful, I went to my room to get on with schoolwork.

* * *

I awoke on Monday to someone beating on my door. God, I just couldn't get a break. I glanced at my alarm clock and started when I saw it was 2pm. I didn't even remember falling asleep…

I pulled myself out of bed and stretched on my way to the front door. My back cracked satisfyingly, and I flung the door open to see Puck standing on my porch, fist raised to knock again.

"Seriously, Puck? Did you have to knock so loudly? You've probably dented the door."

He sighed, "Oh, thank God. I didn't know where you were! You haven't texted me in two days! Next stop after here was the cops. I figured you'd stay here after you realized your dads bounced again, though."

He stepped into the house and pulled me into a firm hug. I hugged back with a smile and asked "Guess what?"

"What?"

"Mr. Schue called me yesterday and the police are tracing the number." My smile grew and I bounced lightly on the balls of my feet.

"That's awesome! Do you think they'll find him?"

"Yeah, I'd say so. I hope so."

"Righteous. But that's not why I'm here. Babe, where have you been? Everyone's worried sick, especially me. You haven't come to school; you've barely texted and never called. What's up?"

Nothing could wipe the smile off my face. Will was going to be found. "Nothing! Everything's fine, love. Will and my parents are going to be home soon and, I think, things will start looking up."

"Oh. Well, I just thought after you bolted from the choir room an' all… seemed you were really upset. I was worried. You seem really excited about Mr. Schue."

"Mm-hm. The glee club can officially stop blaming me when he comes back."

"Babe, we don't blame you! He's a monster screw up; it's no one's fault but his own that he left."

"Be nice, Puck. Will has helped me a lot."

"Ch'yeah right!" He snorted, "Bolting really helped."

"Puck! Why do you hate him so much? He_ has_ helped."

"And why are you defending him so much? Can you not see what he's done to you?"

"No, I can't, but I'm sure you're going to tell me!"

"Ugh! You just don't get it! You're so blinded by love for him that you can't even see his faults! You can't see how bad he is for you, what an unhealthy relationship it would be!" He clearly saw the shock on my face because his eyes narrowed and he leant back slightly. "Oh yeah. You think I don't know that you love him? That the only reason you're dating me is for someone to fill the gap? I know that, Rachel, and I'm fine with it! I love you, and I know you. I know you'll eventually realize that you two wouldn't work out and that we're so much better! I'm _hoping _you'll realize! He's a good for nothin' schmuk stuck in Lima with no future but teaching. You'd be stuck here with him. He's a complete tool, and you deserve so much better! I'm better for you, Rach. We could follow our dreams together. Why can't you see that?"

"Puck, I… I think you should leave. I think we need to split."

"No. No we don't , Rach. You just need to let me in. You need to let me help."

"Yes we do, Noah! We don't communicate. Our relationship is built on a fantasy! How are we ever supposed to work if we know nothing about each other? If we don't communicate and have chemistry? It isn't going to work, Noah, now get out of here."

"Rach - "

"OUT!"

He turned after a moment and left, slamming the door forcefully behind himself. I turned and walked to the living room, intending to relax and forget about everything.

* * *

**Puck**

I slammed the door to my truck closed and gunned the engine. I was devastated, but I wouldn't let it show. I'd get Rachel back, or at least find a way to help her. No matter what she thought of me, I still loved her and wanted to help. If she fell to pieces, I would too.

Driving around town, I passed her favorite vegan diner, and an idea struck.

After standing around the liquor store looking depressed for twenty minutes, someone caved and bought me booze. After handing over the money and taking the gin, I drove back to the diner, picked up Rachel's favorite dish and something for myself, and headed back to her house.

Walking up the steps to her door, I hoped she wasn't too pissed at me. Plan Save Rachel Whether She Wants To Be With Me Or Not wouldn't really go ahead if I couldn't get her to talk to me.

I knocked three times and waited for her to open the door. When she did, she groaned and tried to slam the door in my face. I winced as I jammed my foot in it, for a girl her size she sure knew how to slam a door with force. "Rach, wait. This isn't me trying to get you to take me back, I just thought we could maybe be friends? I know you don't want to be with me, whatever, but I love you, and I don't want to lose you completely. I brought take out. Vegan friendly." I held up the bags of food and watched her face.

"Fine, Puckerman. Only cause you brought food and I'm starving."

"There's a surprise." She moved away from the door to let me in and shot me a filthy look for my comment. "Obviously not back to the joking stage yet then."

I went to the kitchen and put the food down on the table before pulling the gin out of my coat pocket.

"Puck?"

"What? You deserve a relaxed night in, why not throw a little gin in to the mix?"

Rachel sighed but shrugged and I counted it as a win. I poured us drinks while she served the food onto dishes. The dynamic we had going was really annoying. How could she say we couldn't be together and had no chemistry or communication when we moved around each other perfectly? Knew what the other needed without words? I shrugged it off and helped her carry everything into the living room.

We watched the TV in a slightly awkward silence for twenty or so minutes before the phone rang. She jumped out of her seat to get it

She spoke quietly for a few minutes before I heard the click of the phone being set back into it's holder. I looked to the door into the kitchen when she didn't come back in after a minute. When she did, she had tears in her eyes and her head hung low.

"Who was that?" She looked at me, startled, and sniffled.

"Lima PD."

"Oh." We were both silent for a few seconds. "What did they say?"

She shrugged awkwardly and walked to the couch slowly. "They couldn't find Will. They traced the call back to a police station in Iowa, but they said there hadn't been any sightings of him anywhere and they couldn't find him."

Tears started falling down her face slowly and I opened my arms to her, not sure of her reaction. She looked at me warily for a moment.

"Puck…"

"It's ok, Rach. I know you're upset, I just wanna help." She sat into my arms slowly and I handed her a drink, holding her tightly. "Let's just relax, ok? Drink up and we'll chill out for the evening."

"What if he doesn't come back? I love him, Puck."

As much as her saying that killed me, I loved her enough to reassure her, even if I don't know if my words are true.

"He'll come back, Rach. Don't worry."

* * *

A/N: Um. Is sorry enough? No? How about I'm really, _really_ sorry? I've been so busy you guys, you probably don't even know what this story is about anymore from the lack of updates. Writer's block on top of my schedule didn't help, but I'm trying to get back into this. I hope you can all stick with me for a little while longer! My Leaving Certificate results came out on Wednesday and they were not good. College offers come out tomorrow, they also aren't looking good. I'm _so unbelievably sorry _for not updating in forever but I'm trying my best to get back into this.

For those of you who are interested, I have a Klaine story called "Forever Limited" in the works right now too and the first few chapters of it are up on my page (: It should also be updated ASAP

-Beaut x


	15. Chapter 15

Puck and I spent the rest of the evening and most of the night watching crappy TV and finishing the bottle of gin. Around 9, we were both buzzed enough for conversation to flow freely, despite our earlier fight, and, much to my delight, the topics were kept light.

Later, the bottle of gin long finished, I started drifting to sleep on Puck's shoulder, and decided to call it a night. Puck didn't even attempt to follow me to my room, opting instead to curl up on the couch after kissing my head goodnight. But, tired as I was, by the time I got to my room, I couldn't switch my brain off. Everything that had happened in the last five weeks raced on a loop through my mind, and I couldn't stop worrying. When was Will going to come back? When were my parents going to finally come home to stay and help me? Would I ever be ok again? Would I ever be able to forgive the glee club? I couldn't stop the thoughts. I wanted Will and my parents to come home, because, despite how wonderful he was, Puck wasn't enough of a support system to keep me strong, and I couldn't bring myself to let the glee club help, not yet, not when they had played such a big role in my downfall. Finn was always there, but Kurt and Mercedes' comments from weeks before returned to my mind, and I didn't want to be the object of anyone's wrath because I had both Finn and Puck by my side. Besides all of that, and despite how sweet Finn was, he just didn't really understand what I was going through, or have any idea how to help. I appreciated the sentiment behind him reaching out, but I couldn't take him up on his offer.

Eventually, I fell asleep, hoping tomorrow would be a better day.

* * *

As it turns out, it wasn't. Puck woke me at seven thirty with a cup of coffee and some toast, and I managed to drag myself to school. The looks the members of the glee club were giving me were ridiculous - they looked at me like I was an injured kitten, in dire need of saving and a helping hand to survive. As the day wore on, my irritation at them peaked, and by the time the final bell rang, I was ready to kill them. Puck stayed by my side as long as he could all day, and that helped, but I was still inexplicably infuriated by the glee club.

When I got home, I went straight to my room and flung my back pack on the bed, extracting my phone. Four missed calls. From Lima PD. My heart leapt into my throat and I quickly hit the redial button, praying to every God I could think of for good news.

The receptionist in the station answered, leisurely and completely unaware of my anxiety, "Lima PD, how may I help you?"

"Yes, hi, this is Rachel Berry. I have several missed calls from the station on my phone."

"Oh, Ms. Berry. Officer Callaghan has been trying to contact you all day - I'll put you straight through."

The line beeped and the first bar of their ridiculous elevator-esque music had barely played out before a familiar voice spoke down the line, "Ms. Berry, I have some good news."

My left hand tightened on the phone held to my ear, and my right squeezed anxiously at my top. I hoped this was the news I'd been waiting for. I cleared my throat, "Yes?"

"William Schuester was found in Des Moines early this morning, around 1am."

"You found him? In Iowa?"

"Yes, Ma'am. A bartender called in a fight and when responding officers failed to identify him on site, they brought him back to the station. He was heavily intoxicated and eventually they identified him. When that happened, they ran what details they could get from him through the system, to confirm it because he had no photo ID on his person, and contacted us when it was confirmed and they saw him listed as missing. He arrived at our station a short while ago, with an escort."

I could feel the tears falling down my face, fast and hot, but I knew I was smiling. "Thank you. Thank you so much, Officer Callaghan. What happens now?" I asked.

"Well, he's sober and relatively injury free, with no pending warrants or arrest cases, so he can be released whenever we see fit. What I was wondering was if you would like to collect him, or if there is someone else we should call?"

My heart soared; I could see Will soon. As soon as I got to the police station, a short drive from my home. "Yes, of course I'll pick him up, when can I?"

"Well, he wasn't technically arrested, so as soon as you can, I guess." I could hear Officer Callaghan smiling down the line, and I let a short laugh escape my lips.

"I'll be there within twenty minutes. Thank you."

We said our goodbyes and I quickly flipped my phone shut, sprinting down the stairs and grabbing my keys from the bowl by the door.

* * *

When I arrived at Lima Police Station, I was practically vibrating with both nerves and excitement. I had so much to talk to Will about, so much to explain, but, for now, I couldn't wait to just have him back in my arms. I was still angry, but the relief that he had been found far outweighed my anger at his disappearance.

When he rounded the corner into the lobby of the police station, I broke out into a grin and walked briskly to him. I didn't say anything, simply wrapped my arms around his neck and began crying.

"Ray…" He began, "I'm so, so sorry."

I laughed lightly, "You should be, but we can talk about it later. Let's just go back to mine for now." I led him to my car by the hand, and could barely concentrate on the road the entire drive back. It was silent in the car, neither of us completely knowing what to say. When we reached my house, I parked quickly in the drive and flung myself out of the car. I was still overjoyed to have him home, but the anger and questions slowly started to seep back into my mind, now that the initial excitement at seeing him again had worn off.

When we got into the house, I led him to the kitchen and silently prepared us both some coffee. Setting his in front of him, I began the conversation, "I'm so glad to have you back, Will, and we have so much to talk about, but first, you have a lot of explaining to do. Why did you disappear? Why were you acting so strangely before you left and why did you stay gone for so long?"

He looked into his coffee for a moment, gathering his thoughts, before he replied, "I don't know exactly why I left. I was hurt. Seeing you with Puck angered me in a way I didn't understand, and lashing out at him - at both of you - the way I did, it… It scared me. I never thought that I would be that guy. The one to make nasty comments and spread rumours out of jealousy, but that's who I became. I was so frustrated, honestly, with you. I felt like there was nothing I could do, no way I could help you. I felt like you were shutting me out and I was completely lost, grasping at straws and making pathetic attempts at helping, when I could have been doing more. I was scared something was going to happen to you, that I would fail and you'd be ripped away from me. I know you were in a vulnerable place, but, seeing you like that, and having to suffer through it without being able to help you because you wouldn't let me in… It hurt. And then I saw you with Puck and I thought 'Why is she choosing him over me? He's a child.' and I overreacted. I lashed out because I thought I was losing you. And then I got scared, and I ran. I always run. I still don't understand it properly. Rationally, I know - knew - that a simple conversation would have helped, but I was so hurt. I'm sorry for leaving you. It was the stupidest thing I could have done, and I will never forgive myself for it. I'm back now, and I wont leave again. I want to help you, you mean the world to me, but I need you to let me in in order to do so. I wont resent your relationship with Puck, but I need you to let me help you. Please."

I was gob smacked. Whatever I expected, it certainly wasn't that. I took a moment to wrap my head around what he had just said, and to find an appropriate way to reply. "Okay. First of all, I'm sorry too. I know starting a relationship with Puck was idiotic, especially after we'd just decided to give us a shot, but I felt like you weren't really sincere, and I thought Puck could offer me more. I've known him all of my life, have always liked him, and always gotten on great with him. But that's over now. I realised that we were better as friends, and that I really had no reason to start something with him. It was literally for no reason other than he was there, and offered to be with me. I was being stupid, and selfish, and completely irrational, but I still don't know why, exactly, I did it. I probably never will, but I learned from it. I learned both from that and your absence that I can't do this without you. I'm sorry for shutting you out, but, you have to understand, I didn't even really understand what I was going through. I felt awful, I couldn't understand why, and people were still treating me horribly. My parents left because they are irresponsible, selfish, clueless people, and I didn't know how to deal with that. I was trying to understand myself before letting anyone in. If I had known that it was pushing you away, I would have tried harder. I still don't understand some of the things I did in those weeks - they literally make no sense to me, and seem completely foolish - but I'm ready to start trying now. When you left, it broke my heart. I didn't know what to do. I've been completely stagnant since then. Not wanting to move on, but trying not to move backward. I'm so glad you're back, but the fact that you left me, just like my parents did, still kills me. It was stupid, and irresponsible, but I understand. I understand getting scared and freaked out and feeling like the only option is to run. But I still wish you hadn't done it."

"I wish I hadn't either, Rachel, you have no idea. I know what you mean about your actions literally not making any sense, I feel the same. Can we just agree that we were both acting stupidly, without sense, and that we're sorry, and move on?"

"Of course. I'm just glad to have you back. I didn't know how much I needed you until you were gone. But, fair warning, it might take a while for me to trust you again. I can't help it. But I am so, so willing to try, and, no matter what it seems like to you, I need you to know that I will let you in, that I'm constantly trying, and I just need a little bit of patience."

"I understand completely. So where does that leave us?"

The question surprised me. Where did it leave us? "I don't know exactly. I love you, but I know now that being in a relationship while I'm trying to heal isn't a good idea. I want you by my side through this, to hold when I get down, to watch movies with, to drink coffee and talk with, but I think we need to wait until I'm feeling better to discuss a relationship. There's the future to think of as well. I'm a senior. I have plans for next year, and we need to figure out how - if at all - our relationship will factor in to that."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. I love you, and if being by your side, just as a friend, through this is what you need, then I'm completely willing to give you that. I'll wait as long as you need, we have plenty of time."

I smiled over the kitchen island at him and walked around it to sit on his lap. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I returned the embrace by wrapping mine around his neck.

"Thank you." I leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "Just because we're not together, doesn't mean we can't enjoy an occasional kiss." I laughed warmly, and he returned the gesture. I buried my face in his neck and breathed him in, ecstatic to have him home.

* * *

A/N: It's almost 5am here. I haven't slept. I took this story back up because it was irritating me so much that I never finished it. I always intended to, but stupid life got in the way. By the way, I know nothing about the law, so that part of this chapter probably makes no sense. Sorry. Also, yep, Rachel's a senior. I started writing this mid season two, and in my head, this took place then. But I've changed the plans for the story about a bit, and this being in Rachel's senior year fits better. But my characterisation is still totally gonna be season one ;) I just prefer writing those characters and maturing them myself.

This is unbeta'd and not even really proof read, so sorry for mistakes, all of which are mine alone.

-Beaut x


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